tears right now

SPEECHLESS. I.......don't know what to say. I wish I could find the words. Lord, help me verbalize this. OK, i am in tears now for the second time in 15 minutes. I litterally have not cried in weeks. I thought I had just been numb in my emotions. I thought...I am done trying to imporess anyone or anything. I am going to shout out my starting weight of 226.6 pounds and not give a rip what anybody thinks. I am going to show off my scars and not look back. I am going to wear my weaknesses on my sleeve and people can take it or leave it. I KNOW that if I can become transparent and deal with the reality of my eating disorders that not only is there a chance that I could actually get well, but there is a chance that someone else could benefit. That someone else is actually 11 people. 10 women and 1 man all spread out over the country that have jumped on board in the fight for life. Their words of confession, realization, conviction, depression, and DESPERATION have found me. They have found me and are carrying me. I am no longer carrying myself or anyone else. I am being carried and mended back together with their words. With YOUR words. Jesus has brought us to each other and is working. HOPE is here. We are together. We are fighting this war as a unit and we WILL be VICTORIOUS. Several of you are emailing me your daily food logs, current weight, goal weight, and confessions. I encourage you to continue doing this. Everything said to me is confidence and prayed over. You are safe. You can breath. You are beautiful. You are ready to experience freedom.