A Normal Life

Pinch me. OK, I'm awake! Sorry I just fell asleep. Am I bored? I think I am. I am so use to getting ALL FIRED UP when it comes to a project...especially about my body. I have always failed in the past, taken some time to get over it, and then gotten back on the crazy train with a new crazy idea about how I was going to succeed and get skinny! Well...now I am 3 months down the road to success and it just doesn't feel very natural to be doing the same thing day in and day out. Mentally, I am way too calm. I have never been this calm and this normal. It is kind of freaking me out.

This whole "lifestyle" change really has worked. I don't need to live my life on a roller coaster any more. I am at a calm and steady pace now. I am happy and I am free from the chains that once held me down. Of course I'm good enough to live this life.

I am blessed. I am strong. I am confident.

Thank you Lord for my news eyes. I can finally see.

Pics at Size 8 in College...But I got there the wrong way. Read previous post!

FAREWELL SIZE 14 JEANS!!!

I have a pair of black jeans that are size 14 and I can only wear with a baggy shirt because they are so tight. I love them though because they are long and I feel skinny in them.

Just yesterday I had to retire these jeans!!! They are so big and baggy that I started to borrow one of Mike's belts when I cleverly thought to myself, "Why don't you pull out the next size down?!" Yes, I have jeans all the way down to a size 8. The smaller they get the cuter and more expensive they get because I would always buy hot jeans when I was at those hot sizes.

Back in the day when I was a 8/10 I was not there by doing it the right way. I was there by "forgetting to eat" and taking a spinning class 2 to THREE times a day! I would go out and drink Vodka/Waters with lime and then wake up for the 5 am Spinning class...go home and nap....head back for the Noon Spinning class...study for a while and eating a Tuna foot long sandwich followed by the 6 pm spinning class. After that I would shower and get all dolled up to go out where I would drink my Vodka and Water. THAT WAS NO WAY TO LIVE! I was an idiot college kid who thought I had to do something THIS drastic in order to be hot!

I would reward myself with strapless tops, skinny/expensive jeans, and hot stiletto heels. Now, I am only 2 sizes away from being that size, except I am getting there the RIGHT way!

I am jogging/walking 2-4 miles a day and eating small healthy meals every 2-3 hours. I am indulging about once a week and I am feeling balanced, healthy and happy.

I am wearing my size 12 jeans, size Large shirts, and I am down to a size DD bra. It kills me to think that I actually was a size G bra a year and a half ago. That is literally the size of a small watermelon. That is no way to live, my friends.

Here are my goals:
170 Pounds
Size 8/10
Bra Size 36 D
Shoe Size 9 (yes, my feet are shrinking too!)

Today I am 204. I have been here for about a month. My body will soon shift into fat burning mode again and hopefully drop 20 pounds no problem. That last 10 pounds is going to be tough, but the thing is...I'm in NO RUSH. This is a LIFESTYLE!!! NOT A RACE! This way of thinking will only contribute to the maintenance phase.

If you haven't already, please join me in living a happy and healthy life. It is a marathon, not a sprint!

Photo Op

In between my two friends Avery and Tripp, I had no idea that I looked this together as friend, Scott snapped the pic. We were at one of the most elegant parties of the year celebrating friends, Abby and Cliff and their soon to be marraige. I wanted to wear all black because I knew it would put me in the safety zone of a fashion malfunction. As we gathered in to take the picture I felt hands on my waist, not grabbing on as if I were too large to get a good grip...but a gentle, calm and easy placement of their hands lay upon my hips. AH!! I just felt like Daniel Steele for a second there.

Once I saw this picture I knew. I knew that this was happening. I was losing weight and I could now really see it in a picture. I am happy and I am feeling very fesitve!

Taking the Road Less Traveled

All week long I have known that come Friday afternoon, my husband would be packing up and leaving town for the boy's hunting trip. After a week of eating and exercising almost flawlessly, I took a deep breath and waved him off with Carter on my hip. A sense of accomplishment came over me as I stood in the doorway wearing my Kim Kardashian style black spandex yoga pants and top. I felt good and I knew I looked it too. He took one last look and gave a big smile.

Rewinding 2 hours earlier. Showered and recovered from my earlier 4 mile jog, I wanted to do something active again! I looked at my curly cued angle and said, "Wanna ride the bike?" He looked at me with pure joy and said "WANNA RIDE BIKE!!" We were heading out the door when I decided to grab my drivers license and a $20 bill from my wallet. In the blink of an eye, before I could even think about what I was doing, I had decided that Carter and I would ride up to Walgreen's and buy a bottle of red wine and some sugar free dark chocolate. My bike had a basket and this would be soooooooooooo cute of us to do! Right? Wrong. I was planning a surprise attack BINGE!!! And I really didn't even know it!

As I approached Walgreen's I quickly turned don't Conti Street and peddled as hard and fast as I could. I literally fled from temptation.

Sober and skinny, I am in bed and I am happy. I just had some relaxation tea combined with "Zen in your Den" 20 minute yoga and I Praise the Lord that I stayed strong tonight. The thing is...(and this is what separates me from a dieter and a true lifestyler) EVEN if I had gotten the wine and chocolate, YES my night would be a mess but I would not torture myself and make it worse. I would say FIDO. FORGET IT AND DRIVE ON!

Sweet dreams!

Picture Update!

ME AT 204 POUNDS.

34 more to go!

What to Eat!

I am a runner. I am running between 2-4 miles a day. I have even had an occational 5-6 mile jog/walk these last few weeks. The wind on my face and the long strides of my legs feels so good. I am at a standstill with my weight but KEEPING OFF these 22 pounds lost. I have gone from a size 18 to a 12. I can not believe it. I have learned so much about eating. When, what, where, how (not who) to eat. I am also learning how to indulge without beating myself up with guilt. I am staying calm and carrying on. This is life and I am finally happy. Thank you Lord for answering this prayer. I still have a ways to go but I am encouraged because I don't feel like throwing in the towel due to starvation or exaughstion. I am completely content and satified and ENERGIZED! AND...I feel so cute in my hot little skinny jeans and sexy sparkly shirts. I've never felt worthy of wearing such cute things and quite frankly didn't want to draw any attention to myself. I knew what they were all thinking..."Why doesn't she stop eating so much". Or at least that was my paranoia.

REMEMBER:
Eat every 2-3 hours
By the end of the day you should have had 6-7 small meals
These small meals need to be HEALTHY!
High protein!!! The "snack meals" that come in between b'fast, lunch and dinner should be only around 100 calories. Breakfast is my favorite because this is your biggest meal! I have a Jimmy Dean Sausage Egg and Cheese Breakfast Muffin, Fruit and coffee. I LOVE IT! And I really look forward to it. ( I try and have oatmeal for b fast like 2 times a week because no matter how addicted you get to a great meal, you MUST mix it up!!!!)
What are snack meals? Well this is how it works...
Bfast (Larger meal)6am
"Snack meal" 9am (Kashi Bar with 1 tbsp Peanut butter or Allmond butter
Lunch Noon Half wheat pita bread stuffed with turkey, veggies, feta, mustard
2pm "snack meal" String cheese and turkey
5pm "snack meal" Veggies and Hummas (or Melba Toast and Laughing Cow cheese)
7pm Dinner Chicken or fish with veggies (salad and or beans)
Maybe a Light Beer with dinner (You can have red wine but i can not because I can't control myself! I drink too much and want more food when I drink the vino. :(
NO MORE FOOD AFTER THIS!!!

If you say to yourself, " I am still satisfied from b'fast and don't need a "snack meal"...wow I am sooooooooooooo good and skinny!!!" YOU ARE WRONG!!!! You just THINK you don't need it! Trust me. I'm the one who has lost 22 pounds in 10 weeks!

Love you :) High Five.

Is this really who I was???

8 weeks ago I was a binge eater. I really can't believe the things I use to do. It shocks me and disgusts me to think of my past favorite thing to do. I thought I was so free and independent. I thought everyone else did it and I was just always going to be this way. I found comfort in looking in the mirror and telling myself, "It's OK. You have a nice looking face, big boobs, pretty hair, and a great personality. Besides that, you have a man who adores you and a precious son who loves me too." I would say these types of things to myself just to stay in survival mode. I literally did not think I could ever lose weight. So thinking back to what I use to love doing when no one was around...here goes...

"Alone in the house. My child is tucked in his crib, safe and warm. My husband has just left for the gym and won't be home for 2 hours. My cat and dog have been fed and are snuggles up and satisfied. My dishes are done. I've taken my bath and even shaved my legs. My floors are clean and I had a great day in sales today. Oh, before I get to comfortable, I better start another load of laundry so I can really feel good about myself. I am so productive. I am such an amazing mom. I am an OK wife but I am learning and trying to do it better. I'm a great friend. Deep breath in.....Life feels good right now and I deserve some me time now. No one is around and I am free. I can do whatever I want. Everyone sucks me dry and I have nothing left to give. Why does everyone think they can walk all over me and chirp chirp chirp like a bunch of baby birds depending on ME for everything. I deserve to be pampered and loved on too! This hurts. I feel like the victim. I feel like I am not getting MY share of the fortune. ME ME ME! HA! I'll show them! Clunk clunk clunk I go into the kitchen. Hmmm...to start how about 2 strawberry Nutrigrain Bars and some 2% milk. Poof! It's gone. What else can I find in here...aw crap there is some Nestle Quick, I should have had that in my milk! Well, I still can, I'll just have another cereal bar. This time I'll have a chocolate chip granola bar. Oops, there's still some milk left and its so good with every bite so I should just have another granola bar. This time I think I'll add a little peanut butter. SO GOOD! Ahhh...OK what else can I have...to the freezer I go...A frozen pizza! It's Mike's and he's saving it for a rainy day. Are you kidding me? I salve over this house and everything else in my life. I deserve this pizza! Preheating the over to 350...
Man, this is going to take forever! Look, hummus!! Hummus is so good for you so I'll just have some of that as an appetizer. I need something to dip it in though. Wheat thins sounds good. I need some cheese too. Oh, you know what would be so amazing with this? DUH! Some red wine! In to the living room I go...

I am half way done with my appetizer but my wine glass is empty! Better fill'er up! MMMMMMM that was DELICIOUS! I'm full. BEEP BEEP BEEP! Oh yeah! My Hawaiian Pizza! Heck yeah! This is going to be so good and I still have half a bottle of wine left to enjoy it with! Oh my gosh this is perfect...The Bachelor has a whole hour left! This really is the best moment of my day. I totally deserve this. I am a good mom and a good person in general. I love God and He is spoiling me right now! I needed some Liz Time, Yall! I'm happy. You know what would make this absolutely perfect? I'm going to text Mike and see if he will get me some sugar free dark chocolate. PERFECT NIGHT."

OK so you just saw an evening in the head of Liz Wetzler 8 weeks ago. I want to tell you something else though. I want to tell you how this "perfect night" ended.

Mike came home to find me slurring my words and telling him ALL about who the bachelor had chosen and who had the hottest bodies. He looked at me confused handing me the chocolate bar which HE thought was my only indulgence. I look at him and act like everything is so great. After my chocolate is all gone, I blurt out, "Oh yeah! Tonight was my cheat night (yeah right) and so I indulged on your pizza but I will replace it tomorrow so don't worry!! How was your work out? I'm going to the gym tomorrow after work! Have they fixed our key less entry cards yet??"

Mike slowly walks into the kitchen annoyed with me because I have obviously had one glass too many.

He says he loves me and he gets in the shower.

Alone. I sit. The bachelor is over. The food is gone. I don't feel good. I am so full and so tired. I know I have to get up in 8 hours. I get up to get some water and look up into the window at my reflection.

I'm looking at this person. Who is this person? Why is she ruining my life? Why does she turn me into a gorging sloth. Why did I do this. Then instead of letting the tear out hold it in and go to bed with a stomach so full of so much stuff.

I wake up 3 pounds heavier. I try to go to the gym but I am depressed. I go to work, I come home and clean up the kitchen from the night before. I play with my precious son, I start to feel productive. My child loves me. We go on a walk and play outside. He is so happy. We go inside and take a bath. He has his dinner and is ready for bed. I am exhausted but feel like I've been a great mom. The cycle begins again.

Looking back at this I can not believe how weak I was when it came to eating and my thoughts. I never thought I could get this under control. But, I have. I am eating 6 small meals a day every 2-3 hours. I am not buying ANY wine. I am enjoying an occasional 64 calorie beer a few nights a week. I am happy, I am healthy, I am living my life. Today I was 205 pounds. That is a grand total of 21 POUNDS GONE! I have dropped two sizes. I love my child and I will do anything for him. I am doing this for myself but he is reaping the benefits of having a truly happy mother.

Lastly, I ran the entire 3 miles at Mellow Milers last night. I could not BELIEVE IT!! We actually kept up with the crowd!

I am half way there and still need support, prayers, and encouragement. Having a life coach (Garland) has made all the difference. She helps me decide what to eat for my meals and she pushes me with my exercise. She is a gift from God. It is important to find someone to hold you accountable. We can not do this alone. We need each other!

Remember...Eat high protein healthy meals every 2-3 hours. Exercise. Drink water. Limit the booze. Limit the stress (Get massages or do yoga). AND PRAY! God wants to be included in everything you are passionate about. For 19 years I have been praying for God to help me with this. Sometimes he doesn't answer us as quickly as we want Him to, but he does answer us. He is faithful and He is here.

Co-Existing with Food

Thinking back to the ways things were really blows my mind. I was so obsessed with trying NOT to think about food. Now, I look forward to the fact that I get to eat a small healthy meal every 2-3 hours.

I still don't feel like I trust myself 100%. I feel like I am going to fail and screw everything up. Why do I feel like this? I am down to 209. That is a total weight loss of 17 pounds!!! I am thrilled...but I keep hearing this evil voice in my head telling me that not only will I not succeed but that I will never keep it going in the maintenance phase.

I want this so bad! I want to be skinny! I want to wear "skinny pants" as Garland calls them. The are these hot, tight, black pants that all skinny people wear. I always am stuck in jeans and a cotton shirt. I refuse to spend $200 on a shirt when I am this overweight. Once I'm at my goal...well yeah, I still can't afford it but at least I can save up for some nice pretty clothes every once in a while!

I just want to feel NORMAL. Why do I think about food all the time? I wish I didn't need it but obviously we need it to survive so I must learn to co-exist!

Jane Ellen asked me today if I had a boob reduction. That was so awesome!!! My chest has gone from 47 to 42 inches!!!

Miranda called me today to tell me that she was driving over the bay and say my sister walking on the scenic route...BUT IT WAS ME!!!

People are noticing and I am'a LIKING!

MIX IT UP

I'm encouraged. So day was day one of me mixing up my diet. I haven't lost or gained a pound in 2 weeks. My body was getting quite use to expecting what it was getting...presumptuous little snot if you ask me. So today I threw a curve ball and I feel like I've dropped a whole pant size. I am not even kidding. This morning I had oatmeal (mixed with water, honey, some raisins and 5 sprays of fake butter.) Then for my mid morning snack instead of having a Kashi bar and peanut butter I had Greek Yogurt (plain) with almonds and craisens. For lunch I had 2 slices of whole wheat bread, Zoe's chicken salad, lettuce and 10 calorie honey mustard. I left off the cheese and left off a side! For my afternoon snack I had my usual 3 Melba toast crackers with 35 calorie Laughing Cow Cheese. For dinner I had a salad trio: a table spoon of humus, a table spoon of pimento cheese, a table spoon of chicken salad and a whole raw red bell pepper. (all three of those salads were from Zoe's so very healthy!!) Then for a snack I had a table spoon of chicken salad and a table spoon of pimento. Now I am sipping a vodka water and lime...NOT WINE! My PJ's are so baggy! I've heard that once you plateau you should mix your diet and work out up and then your body will drop 10-20 more pounds FAST! I swear I feel like 2 pounds have shredded off today. BUT I won't really know until Thursday because I have finally given up on weighing every day. It just depresses me and makes eating light VERY painful. Ignorance is bliss! I don't want to know. Only time will tell.
SO JOIN ME AND MIX IT UP!!!

Brain Freeze

For two weeks now I have stayed at the same weight. I am still 212. It is so hard not to get down or frustrated. Thoughts like, "Well I might as well eat whatever I want if I'm not even going to lose anything!" I knew it would get hard but I am really struggling right now. I am hungry. I want to eat. I want to enjoy sweets and other forbidden fruits. But I don't want them to really be fruit. Just forbidden anything besides fruits. I know this is a bad attitude and I feel ashamed for having it but that is one thing you can not control...your thoughts. You can pray that they will go away, but you can't really avoid a thought that pops into your head.
I'm HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Am I really going to ddo this? Am I really going to succeed? I really want to...but how bad to I want it? How far am I willing to go? I miss drinking wine and eating a lot. I feel like my head is out of the game. I want to get back in it! Thank the Lord I still have Garland who is really holding me accountable and watching my every move. I have stayed on track and I am REALLY trying to do this. I am busting my butt at the gym. I am doing everything...except I may be a little off on my porion sizes. Deep breath...I don't know. I am not giving up but I need prayer. I need to focus on the prize and not lose heart! I want this. Please pray for me...that is all I need right now.

Real quick...
In 5 weeks:
My chest has gone from 46 inches to 42!!! (4 inches)
My waist has gone from 36 1/2 inches to 34 1/2!!! (2 inches)
My hips have gone from 47 inches to 44 1/2!!! (2 1/2 inches)

I have lost 8 1/2 inches total! That is really encouraging.

My weight started at 226
Today I am 212
Total weight loss: 14 pounds

NOT BAD!

I am tired and going to bed now. Sweet dreams...but without the sweets!

"The Body Contortionist"

This is me on a night out on the town with Virginia and Mike. I am 212 pounds here. My goal is 150 lbs. I'm a a little confused because I don't really think I look 62 pounds over weight. Maybe it's just a slimming outfit. I have always been able to contort my body and face to look good in pictures so maybe that is it. That is another reason it has been hard for me to stay on track with losing weight...I get cocky and think, "Oh, I look fine...I'm just big boned." I will reevaluate once I hit 170...that may be a better goal weight for me. We shall see!! Fun night though! I felt great about myself for the first time in a long time.

Choosing Tears Over Food

Rejection is a tough pill to swallow. The feeling of being left out, ignored, or even punished by another individual by not including you can really hurt. It can leave you stranded with your thoughts...thoughts of self-doubt. It is important for us as humans to understand that it is OK to not be loved by everyone. It is OK to sometimes be left off the invitation list or left out of the conversation even when you are standing right there.

As a bubbly, outgoing, and loving person it is hard for me to accept this but like I am learning to accept this new way of living, I must learn to accept this about my community. Relationships are my passion. I give it 110% and sometimes it backfires. I have nurtured and grown several incredible relationships, I've also damaged and even destroyed other ones. We live and we learn. I have learned so much about how to handle things.

I know one thing, I can not save people. I can not protect people. And most importantly, I can not judge people. I can only love people and move forward with my own life, family and decisions. I have decided over this past weekend to let go and move forward. I can not dwell on broken bridges any longer. I have given it up to God and I am healed. I am repaired and I am strong. I am grateful for the people in my life that love me and care for me. I am not going to give into food to numb the pain any more. Instead, I am dealing with that pain and meeting those salty tears. As they sting down the sides of my face, I take comfort in knowing that the aftermath WILL feel better. In allowing myself to cry to a friend or cry to my mom or cry to my sister or cry to my dad or cry to my husband, I am choosing to feel pain and deal with my feelings rather than ignore them by stuffing food in my face.

Yep, that is what I have done my whole life. The second things go sour, I pull out the sweets. In doing this I am temporarily high on food and feeling great. After the binge I can only focus on the disgust of my actions which leads to depression and feeling like a fat failure...meanwhile I've forgotten all about who ever hurt me. I've always done this and people have always told me, "Gosh Liz, you are so strong. How do you stay so strong?" HA! Yeah, a strong fat a**. I was just praying they didn't see the brownies in my teeth while showering me with compliments.

Now this new Liz is a bit more high maintenance. I am little more emotional. I am a little more in touch with my feelings. I am a lot slower in regards to my actions after something hurts. I am staying calm. Then like a ton of bricks...I'm shot right in the chest with pain. But guess what? I'm shedding pounds, and I'm becoming a stronger and more serious person. My thighs are getting thin, but my skin is getting thick.

Week Three-14 Pounds Gone!

It is weigh day! 3 weeks ago I started at 226lbs. This morning I was 212 lbs. I have lost 14 pounds! I absolutely can not believe it except for the fact that I can see and feel the results. I'm down a size or two all over and it feels so good. I'm starting to panic a little because I don't have any clothes that will fit or money to be able to buy new clothes at each stop on my way to a size 6/8 so I am going to be using rubber bands and pins to temporarily alter my wardrobe. My goal is 160. 150 at the lightest since I am 5'8 and have muscular/athletic body type. So that means I have 52 pounds to go. A long journey ahead of me...so I must not get sidetracked by my first stage of success! I have 6 stages to go...not counting the maintenance stage that I plan to stay in for the rest of my life!

On my way to REALLY being skinny

Never in my life could I ever have seen this coming. This morning I woke up and half my stomach was gone. I fumbled through the dark trying not to wake my husband. I made it successfully to the bathroom where my workout clothes were waiting for me. Yes, you must lay them out the night before. That is one thing I have learned over the years with early morning work outs. When that alarm goes off it is so much easier knowing that you won't have to pick out something to wear...find your tennis shoes...you know what I mean. I made it to the gym and busted my butt on the bike and elliptical for a grand total of 35 minutes. I could feel the fat blasting off my body. I could feel it because I had had such a light carb-free dinner and no breakfast yet. The fuel supply I had to offer myself was fat and only fat. I got home and had my big breakfast. As Tripp always says, "Have the biggest meal first and work your way down to a smaller lunch and a tiny dinner." So breakfast is so fun for me because I love a good big start to my day. So I came home and ate my Egg, Sausage and Cheese English Muffin. I had an amazing coffee with my unscented, silk almond milk and a tbsp of honey. No more splenda, no more creamer, no more milk. I thought I would die to give up my fabulously home made coffee but I have grown to love and look forward to my skinny cafe late. After that I woke up my precious baby boy and performed my usual steps leading us all out the door to conquer the day.
I arrived at work at 8am to pick up some paperwork before heading out to make my sales calls. About 20 minutes later OUTSIDE of the office I noticed that my engagment ring was gone. I started to panick of course but luckily right then, my phone rang. It was the office calling to ask my if I was missing my ring. I could not beleive that my ring just SLIPPED off!!! As I put the phone back in my purse I pulled my hand out and my wedding band had slipped off as well!!! I immediately wrapped tape around the back of the rings because they were obviously 1 or 2 sizes to big! I can not belive how real this is. And it has only been 3 weeks!!! Tomorrow is weigh in day and I can not WAIT to see how much I've lost and how many inches I've shed. Is this for real? Am I really going to do this? Am I actually going to feel like Cinderella and wake up to find that its not just a dream anymore but an actual reality? I really really really think I am. It is my time to start living my dreams.

Girl's Night Out

Dinner at Camellia's Cafe in Fairhope last night for Jane Ellen's Birthday was the ultimate test. I had to keep telling myself to focus on the prize. Everyone had bread, starters, entrees and desert. I had a salad appetizer as my entree, no break, no dessert. It was hard. It was awkward. I felt like out and a little uncomfortable. HOWEVER, I was was ok. I got to share my experience and my goals and I was fully supported. I'm glad no one changed their eating to make me feel better. This is MY choice because I want to be skinny. Once I am at my goal weight I too will be able to indulge every once in a while. I didn't even have wine! That was easy though because no one else did either. When we got back to Janie's house we had cake with homemade cream cheese icing. I was drooling but stayed strong. This morning I felt so skinny and proud of myself. I got to have a big yummy breakfast with everyone (yes we had a slumber party) and it was so freeing and fun! When I got home I went on a 3 mile jog! I only walked a little bit! I was so proud of myself and the breeze on my face felt amazing. I like being in the skinny club. I am not aloud to weigh myself anymore because Tripp told me not to. I trust him and follow his teaching. Tonight we are going to Dog river to spend the night and cook out. We are grilling chicken and veggies! I am going to have 2 glasses of wine and lots of water. Mike and I are also going on an evening Kayaking trip tonight so that should be great for my mind, spirit and ARMS! Life is so good when you are doing it right.

THANK YOU GARLAND FOR HOLDING MY HAND!

10 POUNDS IN 2 WEEKS!

Today marked the two week point of me living the life of a skinny person. I was 216 this morning which makes a total weight loss of 10 pounds!

When shopping for food Garland tells me to outline the grocery store. Don't go down the aisles. Think about that for a second. Isn't that smart? I leave with all fresh foods!

I have continued eating high protein foods every 2 hours. I've noticed that when I forget to eat I have such a hard time talking myself down into a calm state of mind. It reminds me to eat eat eat!!! (When I'm suppose to, of course.)

Being the social butterfly that I am, I have already been to at least 6 functions that have of course been centered around FOOD! Family Steak Out....Hot Dog Cook out...Birthday Cake...Wine flowing like water...Date Night celebration...new job celebration...And there is probably more I am forgetting. I have stayed strong and not given in!!! Oh I just thought of one more...Lunch with the co-workers!!!

I have slowly moved forward through all of these events eating slowly and steadily. I've stuck to grilled fish or chicken, veggies, fruit, whole wheat, water, BEANS (MY FAVORITE!) and a glass of wine to keep me sain.

I only worked out 3 times this week which is not enough. Tomorrow starts my 5 am workout at the gym. Now that I have my eating down I can add in the heavy cardio and start to MELT THAT FAT!!! (Like, "Move that Bus"! haha no pun intended!)

I am focusing on the prize which to remind you is....
To honor my body as a temple of the Holy One
To be light and feel good about myself
To express how I truly feel
To be comfortable
To wear beautiful clothes
To do a model photo shoot
To give Carter a baby brother/sister
TO GIVE CARTER A HEALTHY MOMMY!!
To GIVE MIKE A HOT WIFE
To GIVE LIZ WHAT SHE KNOWS SHE DESERVES

Prayers welcome. Thanks for reading. Good night. :)

8 Pounds in 11 Days!

So Thursday marked the one week point of me living like a skinny person. This means I was eating 6 small meals a day. The meals were every 2-3 hours, they were high protein and low carb, and they were so filling and yummy!!! In addition, 30 minutes of exercise 6 days a week is added in. After losing 8 pounds (yes 8 not 7!!) I started to get scale obsessed. I have weighed every day because it is fun watching the fat melt off so fast!!!

This weekend I continued on the path to success. I still have not binged once! It has been a total of 11 days since I started and still no binge! I literally have never gone more than 3 days without a binge. Going those 3 days without a binge literally was like watching a miracle before my eyes...which is probably why I would freak out and crack under pressure which would then lead to a binge.

This weekend I was the night nurse for my sister. For those who don't know what that means I'll explain really quick. This means that I moved into my sister's house to help take care of their newborn baby for the weekend. Which in return means, I got NO SLEEP! In addition to getting no sleep, there was food everywhere! Yall, it didn't even phase me. I did not stray ONCE. You see, I am setting myself up for success!! I'm not missing out on life or beating myself with discipline. Of course self-control is huge and discipline is key in doing this but I had been so satisfied from eating all day long that I was equipped with armor once thrown into the battle! It was so fun and easy to watch myself say no to mac n cheese and sister shubert rolls WITHOUT hesitation! I instead had cherry tomatoes and half a piece of whole wheat pita bread with my filet! I was sitting there eating thinking..."I mean, I am eating a steak and red wine! Why would I complain right now???" It was so good and I enjoyed every bite.

So this morning I got on the scale and was 218. Nope, I have not lost anything since Thursday but I am not going to get discouraged. I've still lost 8 pounds in 11 days and I know that I am not going to give up or binge because this is my new lifestyle and quite frankly, it feels great and is so easy AS LONG AS I stick to eating every 2-3 hours. The second I stop doing that...I am just preparing myself for a dreaded binge.

Signing off with...

EAT YOUR BREAKFAST FOOLS!!!

Now that's what we call TOUGH LOVE!!! You'll thank me for it just like I thank my Garland for it daily.

8 Pounds of Fat GONE

This morning I was 218. If I calculate correctly that means that I have lost 8 pounds in my first week on the "skinny people diet". I have even better news...this is NOT a diet! This morning I chowed down on an egg, sausage, and cheddar cheese McMuffin and and Iced cafe latte! This is what the skinny people do (which is exactly what I have replicated!)

Eat a big breakfast with lots of protein (6am)
3 hours later have second "meal" (9am) example: Kashi bar with tablespoon peanut butter
2 hours later (from here on out I eat every 2 hours...I could go three hours earlier because my breakfast was so filling)
2 hours later lunch time (Tuna and veggies)
2 hours later another small meal (string cheese and an apple perhaps)
OK I know what you are thinking because I thought it too....this sounds terrible! These snacks are so healthy, no wonder she is losing weight!!!
Well, duh! Of course they are but let me tell you that IT TAKES DISCIPLINE! If you are really ready to jump on the skinny train you have to do it. The good thing about this is since you are eating so often you actually enjoy the healthy snacks and you never want to binge!!! AND it is really fun thinking about the fat melting off your body. So you, decide...

Secondly, you must MOVE more!!! I am walking/jogging 2 miles a day right now. Start out by taking a walk around the block. Go a little further each day until you are up to 2 miles. Push yourself! Imagine the fat melting off! It really is!

And lastly, don't eat another bite after your healthy dinner (chicken/fish and veggies). It's OK to go to bed a little hungry. Would you rather your body burn your late night snack or the ugly thigh fat?

I am so happy and feeling so hopeful that this really is going to work. I have my couch by my side and I am heading towards success. If you don't have a couch...find someone in your life that is skinny that you really love and know loves you. Make an appointment to talk to them and express to them your dilemma. Ask them to help keep you accountable. Try to find someone who really does work at being skinny though, not a skinny person that eats one big mac a day and nothing else.

7 pounds in 7 days

It has been exactly one week since I started living the life of a skinny person. I have simply eaten every 2-3 hours...high protein low fat foods. I have stayed satisfied and therefore not binged ONCE. I can't remember that last time I was binge free for more than 2 days. That third day, I would always go crazy and just give up.

I was 226 pounds 7 days ago and this morning I weighed in at 119. 7 Pounds gone in one week!

HOWEVER...I am staying calm. I fear the part of me that talks down to myself and forces me to self-sabotage. That is why I am so so so so so blessed to have my best friend, Garland calling me throughout the day to check on me. She asks me what I've eaten, what I'm planning on eating next, and she asks me what I plan to do for exercise that afternoon. She and her husband continue to tell me daily that if the exercise starts to feel easy it isn't enough. So on my walks once I've caught my breath, I start jogging. I can only run about a minute at a time right now.

Tripp is helping me so much having gone before me on this never ending journey. This is a lifestyle and I know I can do it because I am always satisfied. Please pray with me that I can stay controlled, not get emotionally beaten down, and that I continue to practice discipline. I want to be healthy. I've decided to get these unwanted 60 pounds of fat off my body. I am a fighter and I will win this! No matter how long it takes. (But at this rate, I could be there by Christmas!!)

TRIPP ATKINS

Tripp joined the Skinny Club 2 years ago and is helping me so much! Just wanted to add that to my blog below. :) He actually wanted me to cut out all alcohol the first 2 weeks but Coach Garland said I didn't have too. Congrats to Tripp for becoming a skinny and disciplined hotty! I pray I will follow in his footsteps!

THINK AHEAD

Cameron and Garland Weavil (Sanders) are two of the hottest people I know and are teaching me how to be skinny. They told me a little secret that is changing my life. ALWAYS BE ONE STEP AHEAD OF YOUR BODY. Meaning...Since I am eating about every two hours, I have to think fast because that's a lot of eating! (Funny isn't it? I've trained myself to try and FORGET food and these skinny people are telling me to NEVER forget food but instead to EAT EAT EAT!) So anyways, About an hour after I have eating one of my snacks, I need to start thinking about what my next snack is going to be!! If I forget to eat, I'm screwed. That is where a binge comes into play. It's all about setting yourself up for success and not failure.

It is crazy that the last 7 months I have busted my butt in the gym, blurted out my numbers and thoughts on the web, and handled the food as if it were my enemy.

FOOD IS NOT MY ENEMY!!! I need it every two-three hours to assist me in losing weight! I love it!

Yall, seriously I have lost 6 pounds in 3 days. My body is burning fat now that I am doing the right thing.

I am very excited and hopeful. My biggest mountain to climb during this whole thing is called DISCIPLINE. If you don't practice discipline and eat when, how and what you are suppose to...you can not be in the skinny club. Sorry. :(

Picture in Size 12 Jeans

This is me my Senior year at Auburn in Size 12 jeans. I was only

Keeping Calm and Carrying On.

Liz Life Change Plan: Life Coach-Garland Sanders
Starting Weight 226 pounds/Size 18
Goal Weight 160 pounds/ Size 8-10 (Min 150 pounds/Size6-8)
66 Pounds to lose
2 pounds a week= 33 weeks/ 33 weeks= 8 months/ June 2012
Plan: Eat a High Protein Breakfast followed by small meals every 2 hours.
(Example)
6am Egg, cheese, sausage, English muffin, coffee
10 am Soup
Noon- Tuna snack
2 pm Yogurt
4 pm Apple and String Cheese
6 pm Veggies and deli meat
8pm Protein shake
10 pm string cheese
Dealing with issues and staying calm. Not eating my feelings. Praying for strength. Never allowing myself to get hungry. Eating less and moving more. Understanding that I am in control and I must practice self-discipline. All skinny people have to stay controlled. Fat=a loss of self-control. If I want it as much as I say I do, I must be strong…keep calm and carry on. Staying healthy and living a long life for my son. Being the best looking I can be for my hot husband.

End reward: Doing a major photo shoot and article to be published with Garland on our journey to becoming who we were meant to be.

I am a skinny person trapped in a fat suit ready to break free.
My Life Coach, Garland is dedicated to walk daily with me as I fight this battle. She is helping me stay focused and learn the true meaning of discipline. I am forever grateful to my dear friend for helping me at no cost but just as an act of love.

Broken Under Pressure

I feel so defeated. I don't know what to say except that I am feeling so defeated. I have done everything I know to do. I thought that if I had accountability that I would succeed. I am finding now that that is not enough. In 5 months I have only lost a total of 2 pounds. I feel like I should have lost 50 pounds by now. Instead I am sitting here wondering and wallowing as to why can I not win this battle?

Weight Watchers really works but I totally crack under pressure. Knowing that I have to weigh in only made me freak out and rebel. I hated always having to count everything. Yes, it was cool and fun for a week but then it was like, can I seriously keep this going forever?? So I quit. I just feel like I have so much to give and so much to live but this fat is just in my way! I see pictures of myself and it saddens me that I am glowing and young but carrying 50 pounds of extra unnecessary fat.

I was talking to Mike about it tonight after he asked my what was bothering me. I looked at him and I was like, am I going to be fat forever? I want to be thin. I want to enjoy clothes and feel good about myself and just feel light.

I told him that I loved to exercise but that I had not in 2 weeks because of what it does to me. It makes me so hungry and I lose control and BINGE! If I don't work out I feel stable and calm with my eating. But I want and need to work out! I feel so trapped. I pray, Lord, that you will help me. I have been running around trying to solve all my problems but I can't. I surrender. I ask that you would lead and help me know which way to go.

I know that I need to slow down. Take a breath. Stop racing myself. Take it one bite at a time. I need to eat less and move more. It is simple and definitely the SLOW way to lose weight but I'm OK with that. I just want to be healthy and a good steward of my body which is made in His image. Please pray with me tonight. I have just picked back up my sword.

Weight Watchers Week 2

Gained 0.8 pounds this week. I got cocky and was not really measuring my food. I was what they call "guesstimating" the points. That obviously got me in trouble. Not too much damage has been done. I knew I had not lost anything because I could feel it in my clothes. I went to the meeting anyways to get back on track. This week I will wrtie down everything I eat, measure my points out, and exercise. I will also take deep breaths and be kind to myself when it comes to my thoughts. Thank you Lord for this day!

This picture goes along with my previous post. It speaks volumes to me.

Eat to Live; Don't Live to Eat.

After seeing the movie Cast Away starring Tom Hanks, it hit me. If he can survive on coconuts and raw fish, I could too. Before his plane crashed near that tiny little island he was a hefty 250 pound teddy bear of a man. He ate several large meals a day having snacking in between whenever they presented themselves. He also drank beer, whisky, wine, soda, milk, orange juice. You name it, he ate it. His first day on the island was tough because his body was expecting tons of fat, protein and calories! He wasn't getting any. Those first few days must have been the most difficult for his body and mind. After a few days he was officially in survival mode and was able to live off of very basic and low calorie meals. The sight of a juicy beetle meant one thing to him...SURVIVAL! That one fat bug was a great source of protein and kept him alive. It's amazing how quickly the body can adjust. So many Americans are so dang fat. It is not even funny how fat we have become. We can go to the dollar tree and buy a whole weeks worth of processed groceries for under 15 bucks! Kids are being given goldfish and cookies instead of chopped fruit, veggies, whole grains, meats and cheeses.

Instead of seeing food as just a tool for survival we center our whole lives around it! I get so grossed out even thinking about it and then I look down at myself and all I see is GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY!! I am obviously guilty of making food an idol. I have indulged and stuffed and eaten my way into a lifestyle that is totally unnecessary! I don't want to live to eat any more. I want to eat to live. Nothing more.

Pics

Here I am today workin' it on the elliptical machine in my living room!

Weight Watchers Week 1

I lost 4 pounds on my first week at Weight Watchers. I wrote everything down and kept track of my points. I also moved our dusty old elliptical into the living room (after cleaning it up first) and have been doing 30 minutes a day on it while watching the tv. Also, with the Weight Watcher's new "plus" program I can eat unlimited fruits and veggies! So when I'm starving or craving sweets I can eat watermelon or whatever fruit I want and I don't have to measure it out. I can just EAT! It is great! WW's used to make you count fruit and veggie points which really added up! Also, I have learned that the red wine has to go or at least slow down. I could never give it up so I am trying to only have one glass a couple nights a week instead of 2 glasses a night. I can have 36 points a day and 2 glasses of wine is 6 points! A Bud light is only 1 point by the way. So this week, I am going to track everything I eat and continue my exercise routine which has been consistant for 6 months so shouldn't be a problem. EATING is 80% of the weight loss battle!!

The Circle of Life

Starting over today was a tough pill to swallow. This "journey" has fooled us all. I was expecting to take a journey down a path and yes, make a few wrong turns here and there but nothing like this. I have managed to take a four month venture in a CIRCLE. That's right. I am back exactly where I started...226 pounds.

I started in April at this weight and it hurt to see that number. What REALLY hurts is to see that number four months later. Up and down, up and down. Every time I lost weight I would completely sabotage everything and gain it right back. I put away the scale so I couldn't see my progress and that has helped some, but right when I feel the clothes getting lose I begin to pack back on the pounds. I have continued to do cardio 30-60 minutes a day plus resistance training and abs, but at the end of the day, it's "Calories IN, Calories OUT". I must gain control of my eating.

I really am shocked at how quick I can talk myself into not caring during a binge. I know I need to care more about myself and take it one bite at a time. It really is so discouraging to know how big of a flake I truly am. The song by Pink just came into my head..."You're so mean, when you talk" how does it go?? "Make those voices...in your head...make them like you, instead." "Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel like your less than...less than perfect."

You may be thinking....hmmmm she should go to a therapist. HA! I agree with you! I actually think EVERYONE could use a good shrink. It helps to talk out your issues and we all got 'em!

OK so enough of the pity party. I am back on my feet and moving forward. I joined Weight Watchers tonight finally after 4 weeks of talking about it. I am pre-paid for 6 weeks to help motivate me. Wednesday nights are my meetings and weigh in's. I will blog my results, thoughts, feelings, screw-ups, and accomplishments. I pray that I can conquer tomorrow. I can not focus on a year from now where I could be at my goal. I can only focus on today...well and tomorrow since I'm in bed about to fall asleep.

Back in the saddle again and feeling confident that I WILL do this because I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!!!!! haha sorry I'm delirious. Going to sleep.

Lord, I know you can help me with this. I want to honor you with me body. I surrender to your will and ask for you to take control. Thank you Jesus for your Grace. Amen

Sense and Sensitivity

It is so hard when I want so badly NOT to care but can not help the fact that I do. I don't want to let petty people bother me, but I always do! When people are mean or just flat out obnoxious, I would absolutely love to feel/think like this:

"Oh well, I'm sure they don't mean it and I hope they have a great day!"

After this thought I would like to actually FEEL it! Instead I obsess and revisit the situation in my head. I play out every scenario possible of how it went, how it could have gone and/or how it may come back. It is exhausting! I always try to stop myself before sending a text or email response until I cool off and really consider the consequences of what I plan to say.

Unfortunately, having the self control of NOT fighting fire with fire only leads to a LACK of self-control in the kitchen! I don't want to suppress my feelings, but I feel like it is a lose lose situation. If I keep my mouth shut and kill'em with kindness, I am just pissed off that I got walked all over. On the contrary, if I put them in their place I will feel guilty all day long for whatever I said out of anger. If I do EITHER of these things, I BINGE EAT! Binging is the only immediate comfort I can do at that moment! Or is it?

Well, lets see...What else could I do besides EAT my feelings?

Prayer is really the only thing I can come up with, but in those heat of the moment situations even that seems useless. I start to pray and I continue marching towards to pantry. I want to get to the point where I am calm and collected. I know that my eating problems come from a personality flaw. I am an impulsive, hot-tempered, OVER-sensitive, hot mess! However, my strengths are that I am passionate, driven, organized and a major go-getter! So being an extremely wide-eyed, bushy tailed girl has its pros and its cons.

I love being full of life. It makes those good days really GREAT! But...it makes those bad days feel like I'm in the pit of hell with no way out. Why all the freakin' drama?!

I want to learn to control myself and SLOW DOWN. I want to remember to breath when I need to. I want to know how to let it roll off my back when necessary. I want to be balanced. If I can find this balance it will carry onto my weight loss.

So Lord, my prayer today is that you help me find this balance that I so desperately need. With out it, I can not succeed. With out YOU, I can not succeed. Thank you for all you do for me. All the glory to you, Lord Jesus.

Why?

The calm of the night feels so good and so safe. I then think about all the danger that lies just outside of our home. All of the men and women out there that are on the path of self-destruction and abuse to anyone else that may fall as a victim in their way brings me feelings of terror. As I mother, I now know what true fear is. What if something happens to my child? I can not live in fear, though it is so easy to if you are not careful.

As a child I took on a special maternal roll for my precious baby sister. She was a true gift from God that I had prayed for night after night for as long as I could remember. I remember having dreams that my sister had arrived. I would run into the nursery and find an empty crib. It was devastating. Finally she did in fact arrive and I was in love. When I was 5 years old I actually took her to Show-and-Tell at school. The other parents would stare at my mother in disbelief as to why she trusted her 5 year old with her newborn. My mom would always tell me that she trusted me with the baby more than she trusted anyone else. She KNEW that I was Virginia's body guard and would protect her to the death.

Across the street from my parent's home in Mobile, AL there was and still is a small track/field type area where families walk, bike and play catch. On Sunday's it is the parking lot to Dauphin Way Methodist Church. My childhood bedroom had a balcony that actually looked out onto this track. I was young and innocent and that life was just about playing and have a good time.

When I was 10 years old I took Virginia, then 5, across the street practice catching the softball. We did this almost everyday and it had become quite routine. I was tough on Virginia. I would sometimes have her do sprints or other practice drills because I loved coaching her and seeing her progress. One day a man began making his way towards us with a little white poodle. He said, "hi" and kept on walking. The next day a tan four door sedan pulled up and the same man mumbled something out of the window. I finally heard him say, "Have you seen my dog?" I was in full view of him exposing and pleasuring himself. I turned around ran ten feet behind me to only grab Virginia, then run behind his car which stood in between my parents home and our gloves. I looked both ways and ran across Dauphin Street into the safety of my parents home.

I told Virginia not to tell anyone what had happened and I retreated to my parent's study and hid under the desk. About 30 minutes later my mom and Virginia found me and I confessed what had happened. I thought I was going to be punished and I was sick to my stomach.

My mom called 911 as I sat there holding my sister and crying. The next day at school I was called to the front office in the middle of class to meet a police man in a private room. I was asked to look through a huge binder full of mug shots of men hoping to identify my predator. He was never found or identified. My friends teased me for days thinking I had been called to the office for getting in trouble or something. The girls were mad at me for not telling them what I did. The next few days I hid under my bed and ate peanut butter crackers. Virginia and I slept in the same bed for the next 4 years so I could protect her. I still lay my head down at night sometimes wondering, "Why?"

Scale Obsessed

I wake up to the precious cry of my baby boy. I half blindly make my way to the kitchen to fix his bottle. During the 25 seconds it takes to heat up, I can't help but notice the scale in my peripheral. These are my thoughts...

"If I get on and I don't like what I see, than the whole day will be ruined. I will be depressed and pissed off all day long. I will be short with my husband, I will be impatient with my child, I will spit in the faces of my dishes begging to be washed, and I will binge the second I see my weight."

Yes, these are the thoughts that went through my head. I then thought to myself....

"OK...what if I promise myself that no matter what the scale says I will STAY CONTROLLED. I will not allow the number to ruin my life."

Then I had this thought...(The bottle was still heating up)

"You know what,I really do feel lighter today. I bet I lost 3 pounds. I couldn't have possibly gained 10 pounds of FAT in 2 weeks so I bet at least 3 pounds of it was water weight. Yes, I'm sure I will have lost 3 pounds. But even if I haven't I will stay controlled."

Then I said to myself with about 4 seconds left on the microwave...

"I think after this weigh-in I will put the scale away and not do this to myself every single day. I think I should weigh only once a week."

One more quick thought...

"How will I ever do this? The only way is to do it in a group because Lord knows that right now I can not trust myself on this issue. I think I'll throw my scale away, which in this house means I will get Mike to hide it from me because we are poor and we don't dispose of anything that still work. I will only weigh in on Wednesday nights at Weight Watchers."

The timer went off and the bottle was ready.

Thought...

"ONE LAST TIME!!!"

I hopped on that scale and BOOM...it was the same as yesterday. 223 lbs.

Yes, that is right. Two weeks ago I had reached 213. I was so excited. I had not been here since 2008. I lost control and there it went. But I'll be back...yes I'll be back.

Back at square one

Why is it that when our house is messy we get depressed. There is so much clutter in the breakfast room. There are toys everywhere. Our bedroom has 2 baskets of clean laundry staring me in the face and chewing me out every time I go in there. I chose to leave the blinds drawn so that I don't have to deal with the shrieking cries each pair of clean underwear makes at me. "PUT ME AWAY!!!! Just do it! We are sick of being crammed in with all this crap!" Uhhhhhhhh, shut your mouth laundry and just be grateful that I at least had time to wash you.

My inter monologue is starting to freak me out but I just can't find the time or strength to get it done. The second I'm done washing dishes, making beds, straightening up the living room, and taking out the trash it all comes back again to torment me. I don't mind cleaning but it just never ends. I have started to become pretty good at just ignoring the crumbs on the ground and trying to find peace in the fact that at least my dishes are clean...But I can not fake it any longer. The clutter stresses me out so much that I retreat to my happy place in a nice big BINGE moment. Why oh why does standing there stuffing my face give me a false sense of peace?

I don't want to do this and I am having a hard time accepting that I constantly do this. Why is it we do the things we hate? I know it's in the bible that this is just a battle our flesh has against our Spirit...but I still want to think I can stop forever and never fight again. I want to be perfect. I want to stop being the failure that I am. I want to stop being an idiot and just do what I know I should do all the time.

I need to be telling myself that I can do this. I am not a failure. I am strong. But the truth is I just don't feel it right now. I am weak, ashamed, disgusted and hurt that I have failed once again. Simple things like having a messy house or hearing a screaming baby should not prevent me from losing weight. It is such a mental battle and I am feeling defeated. I pray that the Lord gives me the strength I need to be a better mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter and servant to Him. I want to do well during this short life and I fear I am headed in the wrong direction. I must gain control of my emotions and SLOW DOWN. This is me slowing down and facing the fact.

I have gained almost all my weight back. I have not worked out in 2 weeks. I have felt depressed and miserable about myself. I am now ready to get back up and start all over. I will not give up.

Today

Woke up today missing this. I have drifted. This week was crazy. Mike took his FINAL final, it was our 4 year anniversary, Carter started swim lessons, I could go on and on. I have been too busy to cook, clean and think. I am stopping and I am thinking.

Deep breath...

Today I have had coffee with milk. Carter is demanding my attention but I'll be back.

Man Down!

Let me start by saying I rejoice in the Lord under ALL circumstances! I know I can be what He has made me to be, and I am not giving up.

I am depressed because...
The Casey Anthony Trial makes me sick. I am fighting daily NOT to turn on the T.V. Instead of living my life I've been watching a lost soul destroy her life and everyone's around her.
Mike is always studying or working. I am so proud of him, but I miss him. I can not distract him by expressing its effect on me.
My house is upside down with stuff everywhere and I need to CLEAN!
It is hot as hell outside and I feel trapped.
My business partner may be leaving and I really don't want to lose him. However, as a friend I am so happy for the other business opportunity he and his precious wife have been given. GO LINDSEY AND RYAN!!! :)
I am SO upset for gaining 4 pounds over the last 2 weeks. How? Why? I will tell you. I have been eating way too much. I drank and ate and celebrated just because I wanted to have fun. Let me tell you...it WAS fun. SO much fun. I loved it, but it left me empty and depressed. I am done hiding from the truth of my small defeat. I want to stand back up and continue fighting this war! One battle lost, but how can I forget all the other many victories!?!?! I won't. I deserve more than that.
Plain and simple...I have been LAZY. I have been the queen of excuses and now I am paying for it. I have been living in fear and instant gratification.

PLAN:
Instead of filing my head with T.V. I must get in the Bible or a good book while my angel is sleeping. Then when he wakes up we need to go to the pool or run some errands. I know it's hot, but I have to get us out of the house regardless.
I must take advantage of Carter's nap time to straighten up the house and clean. I am happy when it is clean and I can not function otherwise.
I need to go to the store and buy groceries. I need to prepare healthy meals and protect myself from sabotaging my diet.
I need to be drinking more water...less diet drinks, less coffee, less WINE! Sparkling water and lime is a good idea.
I need to do a workout dvd or find time to go to the gym TODAY!!
I know I can do this with God's help. Please join forces and pray with me. This is so hard. I knew if would be and I am willing to face the hard times. It won't always be a blog with great results and amazing pictures...I need to be OK with myself when I fall so that I can quickly get back up. I want to succeed! AND I WILL.

LEGS

So in yesterday's blog I told you that I hold most my excess weight in my legs. I also promised a picture of these legs. I have been so ashamed of how big my legs are for years. They are so big and nothing ever fits. I always have to wear stretchy jeans or flowy skirts. Shorts are not in my vocabulary. My goal is to be able to be comfortable in what ever I wear. Years ago I was very into mountain biking and here are the shorts to prove it! I pulled them out this morning and they are skin tight!! BUT THEY FIT! Even though I wouldn't dare try to actually work out in these just yet, they did allow me to see the tone and definition being rebuilt in my quads, hams, and calves. I was very encouraged.

46 Pounds to Go...HOWEVER...

I woke up this morning feeling lighter. I put on my black sweat pants and they fell right off. I could hardly register my excitement because I was still half asleep. I stumbled to the bathroom...washed my face, brushed my teeth and then called Mike into the bedroom. I showed him my discovery and he stared for about a minute in shock. I could not stop smiling. I asked him to take a picture for my blog and here we are! He immediately got the tape measure and had me take HIS measurements! He is so encouraged now and I just love this domino effect. If you are reading this and want to jump on the weight loss train, it's not too late! I still have 46 pounds to lose! It always leaves my face, arms and waist first...but trust me, if you saw my legs, butt, and calves you would understand why I still have 46 pounds to go. I am not yet brave enough to show a picture of my legs but soon my dear friends, soon.

Also, I would like to dedicate this blog to my dear cousin/ big sis Katherine Inge Hinson. Her encouragement and love through my journey has helped so much. I thought of her while I wrote today's blog knowing how proud of me she would be. Thanks, Kat. I love you!

Goal Weight

This is me at my goal weight 5 years ago. I was 170 lbs here and a size 10. That may sound big, but for someone who is 5'9 that is pretty normal. I look forward to being here again soon! I am shooting for September. :)

College PJ's Fit Once Again!

Tonight I was feeling frisky and got out my old college pj's just to see if they fit. Low and behold, THEY FIT!!!

Bathing Suit Season!

YEEEEE-HAW YALL! I am officially out of my baggy black maternity bathing suit and back into my old white and red cute cherry tankini! We went to the beach yesterday and it felt so good walking in the sand holding both my boys hands. I have been living a pretty normal life when it comes to food lately. Moderation has basically been my thing. I have been allowing myself guilty pleasure bites here and there but have pretty much stayed strong. After 3 months of consistently losing weight I sort of needed a break. I have been maintaining, not losing, weight for about 2 weeks now but as of today I am ready to shift it back into high gear and go full speed ahead once again! I am ready to get this next 10 pounds off in the next 2-4 weeks. I am encouraged to be back in my old clothes and especially encouraged that my jeans are now loose!

Today:
Food journal: half a slice of whole grain bread with 1 tbsp peanut butter, coffee
Exercise: Walk/run/lunges with the Davidson crew at Municipal followed by playing in the park!

Slow and Steady

I decided I was sick of our normal walking route this morning so we loaded up the stroller and headed out to Mobile's Municipal Park. It was such a gorgeous day! We walked/jogged up and down and through and out of the trails, sidewalks, and bridges. As the sweat was poring down my back I glanced over the stroller and saw my angel fast asleep. Oh to be the passenger! What a life! No worries, no stress, no fear. Just the wind against his face and the sun on his bare toes. He trusts me. He knows I will protect him while he sleeps. To be born into this world with a clean slate...to get a do-over on the choices we've made. Deep breath...not even worth thinking about really. No regrets. Trusting God and His plan for me. I know that if I didn't struggle with my weight I sure as hell would have some other struggle driving me crazy. That is why it is so important to breath and take one step/bite at a time. Do not get overwhelmed when you fail. Do not listen to the voices telling you to give up. It is an everlasting adventure and I plan to work hard and enjoy my life at the same time. Lord, help me eat less and move more. Help me forgive myself and move forward. Thank you for who you are and all you have done for me. In all this I pray that you are glorified. In Jesus name,Amen.

Dazed and Confused

Am I getting to wrapped up in worldly things? Is wanting a smaller self going to affect my growth? I fear that in focusing so much on all this stuff I could be losing focus of the more important things. So before I go on, it is important for me to prioritize. JESUS first. I want to honor God with my body.

It is so hard to do this little balancing act called LIFE. I long for the day when I am singing praises for eternity and spending every second tear free, worry free, and fat free. I did not choose this weakness. I am not choosing to be obsessed with my body and what it can or can not do. I simply AM. I am very careful not to insult my creator. He designed me in His image and the exact way He wanted to. So I may fight my fleshly desires but ultimately I am grateful for how he made me. I am striving to grow and honor Him in all I do. I just wanted to clear this up.

It sure is easy, however to begin fantasizing about my new body underneath all this fat. I long for and look forward to being lighter.

I'm feeling a little bit forced right now. Writer's block anyone? Wait...am I depressed right now? I'm not sure what is going on in this head of mine. I am a little bit all over the place. I am longing to feel intimacy with God right now. I am also longing for Mike to be done with finals so I can have my husband back. BINGO. There we go. I just struck gold. That's it. I am ALONE.

I am feeling so alone right now that I have even distanced myself from my own feelings. How does one even do that? DISTRACTION. Turning on the T.V. is a great way to disconnect yourself from LIVING. That is what I have done. I didn't even know until I started writing. I was literally just trying to write something and make myself feel something and I just felt like I was floating around and now I am back on the ground. I am awake! So weird. OK, so now that I have joined reality...now what? Mike is studying. Carter is sleeping. What can I do? This is so hard. I need motivation. I need structure. I need something. I feel as if I am searching high and low but don't have the strength to really focus.

I need to make a plan.

Ok...my goal today is to get in the word and also spend some time praying and asking God for his provision for my life. What is it I am really looking for?? Next, I will go on a walk with Carter. I also would like to do my yoga dvd.

I'm so crazy sometimes! My best friend, Sarah Ott, is literally in the air on her way to see me and Carter and I are scheduled to pick her up at 11:34.

Today will be a great day. I am now awake and grounded. Even though I am totally all over the place, I am willing to step back and examine myself...choosing NOT to live on auto-pilot. I will live my life to the fullest whether that means liking what I see or not. It's not about me. It's about the bigger picture. I'm painted in there somewhere in the background I think.

Mathmatician

Every 30 days at boot camp we have a fit score. Yesterday we ran the mile and I am happy to announce that my time went from 12.38 to 10.28!! I shaved over 2 minutes off! Do you know what that means? I am getting stronger. I am getting lighter. I am breaking free from the chains. I am getting closer to my goal. Another HUGE announcement is that I pulled out an old pair old black pants that I have not worn in 2 years! I am down to a size 14. I am so happy. I am now 3 pounds away to where I was 2 years ago. Let me recap this for ya...Ok so I was 160 pounds in middle school. I was 180 pounds in high school. I got up to 205 pounds freshman year in college which was the all time high...so I thought. Senior year of college I was 165 pounds. This 165 pounds was the best I have ever looked and felt in my life. It is my goal to get there again. Continuing on...After graduating college I SLOWLY started gaining...I met Mike at 170. I married him at 190. I quickly went up to 213 during our first year of marriage. Two years into the marriage I was 234 when I got pregnant! The night I went into labor with Carter I was exactly 250lbs. So I only gained 16 pounds my entire pregnancy! What happened here was I actually worked out with a trainer and ate the healthiest I have ever eaten. I wanted a healthy baby and I was scared I would gain 60-80 pounds like some women I know...being so heavy already, this thought terrified me!! So I decided not to gain fat during my pregnancy. Six weeks after having Carter I was 232 pounds. I was 226 pounds when I started this blog. Today I weighed in at 216 pounds. I'm not sure what led me to go into all the numbers in today's blog but I did! Sometimes it's good to crunch the numbers! My next short term goal is to get to 205.

By seeing these numbers on this time line...I am now seeing that I'm not that much of a rollercoaster dieter as I thought I was. I am actually just a steady gainer who just so happend to reach my goal weight ONE time in my life. That ONE time in my life was destroyed by complete ignorance. Why did I think I could just do whatever I wanted now that I was at my goal weight? That is what I now know going into round two of getting to my goal. The key is that once I get there...THAT is when the TRUE test begins! THAT is when I must continue exercising, eating light, blogging, and just keeping my eyes OPEN to the fact that I must continue working just to keep it off! This time, I'm ready.

5 Pounds Gone, and I'm Back on Board!

Yay, the numbers have decreased but first I must share some deep thoughts of truth...

I am so rebellious. It is almost humorous in a way. It's like, the second I REALLY get on track and make some progress I get all mentally screwed up and suicide jump off the train! WHY? I could blame my little neck injury (which, by the way has completely healed) but I am so SICK AND TIRED of EXCUSES!! I need to STOP relying on these lame excuses and just MOVE FORWARD.

Turn on your imaginations right now for a mental picture of my feelings:
OK, so I was totally aboard the success train moving steadily forward. I had lost 9 pounds, I was emotionally in touch with myself, and I was going up, up, and away! Then, all of a sudden...I panicked. I opened the car door of the train, looked out both ways debating whether or not I should jump. The wind blowing in my face, I decided not to think and then.....SMASH!!!!!! I was on the ground. As I glanced up I saw the train getting further and further out of sight. I stood up, brushed the sand and grit off my body and took a deep breath. Why did I do it? Why did I jump off? Now what???


For the next few days I sat on the side of the tracks watching other trains go by...no energy to try and jump back on. I just sat there and watched. I played in the dirt and layed on my back thinking...wondering...who am I? What I am trying to accomplish? What's the point? What do I even want? Then the Reba Macintire song came on in my head, "Is there life out there?! So much she hasn't done!? Is there life beyond her big ole' size 16 jeans?!". Ok, I changed the words a little bit in that last line.

I began to wonder, why can't I allow myself to reach my goals? All I want is to be able to wear my size 8 Lucky brand name jeans with my cowboy boots, and a button down untucked plaid shirt with my hair in a bouncy pony tail comfortably playing around with my son and husband...not pulling up my pants to make my fat rolls less uncomfortable. Not adjusting my bra and wiping the sweat from my brow. Not pulling my shirt down and making sure everything is in place. I want to feel the wind blow whatever it wants, where ever it wants and not feel uncomfortable. I want to be free and live my life.

As I pondered these thoughts...a train slowly began to approach. I knew I HAD to get back on. I couldn't over-analyze anymore. I had to just pull myself back on and keep moving forward. Getting back on this morning I have found peace and excitement. It's not over. I am not quitting.

Lastly, I want to share that each month at boot camp we weigh in and do fitness tests. In the past 30 days I have lost 5 pounds. I was very proud of myself. This is a marathon, not a sprint. I may fall sometimes but I will always find the strength to jump back up.

ALL ABOARD!!!

If I stay fat, no one will hurt me.

When I started this blog I promised myself I would be completely honest and open. Not only with myself but with anyone who bothered to read what I had to say. Well, one of my faithful readers who emails me daily with food logs, goals, struggles and anything else she feels like expressing has brought something to my attention after reading yesterday’s blog. She related deeply to what I said in regards to “celebrating” too soon and then having to start all over again from square one. She brought up some very interesting and true reasons for self-sabotaging. First, she said, “I am actually scared of success. I have this thought that if I succeed then people will expect things from me and the pressure/attention from that is SO not what I want.” She followed with, “I am scared to imagine what life will be like if I really do conquer this weight issue. What would I then have to obsess over? What would be my goal? What's at the top of this mountain for me?” These thoughts are so profound and so right on point. There is one more question that I hold in a deep dark place. That question is what if I get attacked again? Freshman year in college I became the victim of what so many other women out there all become the victim of. After graduating from high school, I lost about 20 pounds and was ready for my college experience. In December of 2001 I fell to the mercy of a sexual predator. After this horrible experience I quickly gained 40 pounds, began drinking socially until I would black out, and worst of all became promiscuous. Damaging my body in every way I could to hide the pain. I didn't care and I didn't want to think about it. Two years into college I finally reached out for some help at a free counseling clinic where I was counseled for 6 weeks. Each session would begin by me repeating for an entire minute "I was raped. I was raped. I was raped" I hated saying it. It would infuriate me, in fact. I wanted to go back and pretend nothing had ever happened and just move on. Many times, I just wanted to die. It was the hardest time of my life. Who could ever love me after what my body had been through? That is a thought I dealt with on a daily basis only leading myself to self-destruct even more. After convincing myself that I was unworthy of any man, I decided to move as far away as I could and join a ministry. I landed an internship with New Life Ministries in Laguna Beach, CA. My job was actually to develop a nationwide small group program based on the weight loss book by Stephen Arterburn, Lose it for Life. Ironic, isn’t it? It was there that I met the most amazing man. He actually showed me in the bible how God has made us NEW. We have a new heart and are actually able to walk guilt free no matter what we have done because we have been saved by Jesus Christ dying on the Cross. Because God gave his only son to do this for us, we can now be FREE from the law. We can live out His mercy and grace in our everyday life. It was then that I experienced true freedom. My relationship with the Lord began to grow and so did my relationship with Mike. Mike loved me. ..scars and all. He understood that I was a new creation and the things my flesh had been through did not define me in his eyes or in God’s eyes. I was forgiven. What a miracle! So, as hard as this testimony is to tell, I take comfort in knowing that I am not my own, but I belong to the Father because I was bought by the blood of Jesus. I was not expecting to EVER share my testimony like this. I have shared it with probably 10 close friends and family over a period of TEN YEARS so you can imagine how difficult this is for me. It is my duty however, to be obedient to what I am called to do. I know that I will be blessed and that hopefully someone else will be blessed by reading this.
Also, in order for me to get well and conquer this problem of abusing myself through food, I must be honest with myself. I also find it freeing and such a “weight” is being lifted as I write to get this huge dark secret off my chest.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. “- 2 Corinthians 5:17-21
“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

The Whole Truth and Nothing but the Truth

When I started this blog I promised myself I would be completely honest and open. Not only with myself but with anyone who bothered to read this blog. Well, one of my faithful readers who secretly emails me daily with food logs, goals, struggles and anything else she feels like expressing, has brought something to my attention after reading todays blog. She related deeply to what I said in regards to "celebrating" too soon and then starting over from square one. She brought up some very interested and true reasons for self-sabatoging.
1. I am actually scared of success? I have this thought that if I succeed then people will expect things from me and the pressure/attention from that is SO not what I want.
2. I am scared to imagine what life will be like if I really did conquer this weight issue. What would I then have to obsess over? What would be my goal? What's at the top of this mountain for me?
Both of these questions are so profound and so right on point. They are both questions that deal with but there is one more question that I hold in a deep dark place. That questin is, what if I get attacked again? Freshman year in college I became the victom of what so many other young women have unfortunatley had to deal with. After graduating from highschool I lost about 20 pounds and was ready for my college experience. In Decemeber of 2001 I fell to the mercy of a sexual preditor. After this horrible experience I quickly gained 40 pounds, began drinking socially until I would black out, and worst of all became permiuscuous. Damaging my body in every way I cuold to hide the pain. I didn't care and I didn't want to think about it. Two years into college I finally reached out for some help at a free counseling clinic where I was counseld for 6 weeks. Each session would begin by me repeating for an entire minute "I was raped. I was raped." I hated saying it. It would infuriate me, in fact. I wanted to go back and pretend nothing had ever happened and just move on. Many times, I just wanted to die. It was the hardest time of my life. Who would ever love me after what my body had been through? That is a thought I dealt with on a daily basis only leading myself to self-destruct even more.

Celebration Fraud!

OK, so I have had a few random people the past couple of days tell me that I looked good. These few people have never seen the blog or heard anything about my workout and eating plan. I was so encouraged by this that I actually thought I could start celebrating! I not only had a piece of wheat bread with extra peanut butter yesterday, but I ate a bowl of fruit RIGHT before bed! "Fruit? SO WHAT! Liz, you are crazy and taking this way too far." Fruit is actually LOADED with sugar and right now in the weight loss phase I am keeping it LOW SUGAR, LOW CARB, and LOW FAT. Now, if I had a small bowl of fruit mid-morning...it may have been OK, but to let all that sugar sit in my stomach while my body was completely still, was not the wisest choice. A piece of string cheese or piece of turkey would have been much better. Anyways, in my head I was like, "Woo-hoo!! I'm skinny! People are noticing! My clothes are loose! I'm a super model!!!!!!!!!!!!! So this morning I went to boot camp and was home around 7:30 am. My husband and baby boy were awaiting my arrival in the living room, both greeting me with big smiles, hugs, kisses and nods of approval. I strutted my stuff into the kitchen where I made myself a protein shake. (You should have 24 grams of protein after a good work out. This tells your body, "Hey! We are not starving on a deserted island! We are being fed! Let's burn some fat!" If you do NOT eat 24 grams of protein after a work out your body will say, "CODE RED!!! Let's get into survival mode and STORE STORE STORE that fat! Hey metabolism, you hear me down there?? SLOW DOWN! We may not get any food for a while so we need to take cover!!" You get my drift? The body is such an amazing machine invented by the greatest creator you could ever imagine, GOD! OK, so back to my little story... So i had my protein shake followed by a refreshing shower. I then confidently pulled down a storage bin in my closet from WAY up top. Dust totally fell into my eyes as I pulled out one of my old friends. A bra that I had spent over $80 on and had not worn in over 4 years. Not only had I not worn it in 4 years but I only wore it for about a MONTH before I out grew it ONCE again! Yes, I got to my goal weight and then gained it RIGHT back. How did I do that? I was too busy celebrating my weight loss! Ok, so again...back to the bra story. I was so excited at the thought of this bra becoming one with me again when...WHOA...OK...HAULT...NOT GOOD...UM...Where is my mirror? OK...NOT going to happen. Reality hit me. I am no where NEAR finished. The thing didn't even make it HALF way around my body. I NEEDED this wake up call QUICK before I did any more damage. I have a lonnnnnng way to go and I have GOT to stay on track. I can not let compliments from people around me give me a big head. I need to say thank you and keep moving! It also reminded me that I am so fragile and quite frankly a little stupid when it comes to facing the TRUTH about my disease. I can NOT stop doing ANY of this EVEN when I reach my goal weight. That is my biggest fear, my friends. That when I reach my goal I will begin the celebration that will only lead me back to packing on the pounds. LIFESTYLE LIFESTYLE LIFESTYLE!!!!!! This is a marathon, not a sprint. Lord, grant me the strength to stay focused and satisfied today. Lord, allow me to walk in your great mercy that has made me NEW and WHOLE again. All the glory to you!

Anxiety, Depression, & Food...Oh My

As I sit here with my neck brace on deciding on which thoughts to put down on paper, I can not help but to focus on this gut wrenching feeling inside of me. Like many of us out there, anxiety plays a large role in ones everyday life. It has a small grip on me as I write this and I am trying to push the walls down and figure out exactly what it is that I can't shake.
Yesterday was Easter Sunday and I definitely overate. I was so hungry by the time we got to the party that I immediately began eating and drinking. I was so emotionally drained and exhausted. That is the perfect word for me right now. I am EXHAUSTED. I am exhausted by my thoughts, by people...just everything around me makes me feel a little overwhelmed. I feel distant from God and from myself in a weird way. I don't feel like I am abiding where I should be. I feel like I am so hard on myself sometimes! Why can't I just relax? I really have nothing to be stressed about. I mean yes, my neck really hurts. Yes, I take care of a baby 24/7. Yes my husband is a full time student and working and we don't get too much quality time. Yes, I still have 48 pounds to lose before I am no longer considered Obese. Yes, I work a lot and sometimes it drives me crazy. Yes, my house gets messy 3 seconds after I clean it up. I understand that I have some things that drive me nuts but these things are not too much to handle. Are they?? As a multi-tasker, I enjoy staying busy and feeling like I have a mission. I think I am burned out. And this neck pain is not helping.
Everyday is not going to be the amazing blog about how great I am doing, sometimes I just need to breath and express what I am dealing with. This is a lifestyle and I am committed to being 100% honest with myself. Over-eating comes with stress and I want to figure out what is making me so stressed.
I went to boot camp this morning and did some yoga afterwards for some good stretching.
Food Log:
String Cheese
Protein Shake
Chicken, string cheese, mustard, diet cherry coke
I need my prayer warriors out there today praying with me! I won't give up. I trust that God will give me strength and peace today.

CAKE MIX, JELLY BEANS, & PEEPS ALERT!

Tomorrow is Easter Sunday. Thank you Lord for dying on the cross for us. Is this why we "dye" everything the day before Easter?? Just another one of the devil's plots to make us forget the reason for the season! It is fun and harmless as long as you celebrate the true meaning AS WELL AS the egg and candy festivals. Ok...so now that I am done preaching...I was dying dying dying DYING in the kitchen when all of a sudden the whiff of yellow cake mix entered my nostrils and triggered something in my brain that made my head spin. My mouth was watering and the voice in my head calmly said, "Easter comes once a year...indulge just this once!" Then the voice got a little demanding, and quite rude if you ask me, when it started saying, " You really think you are going to pull this whole weight loss thing off?! Just give up now and save everybody and yourself a lot of energy." OUCH. That was a little harsh. I immediately thought of my blog and how I was committed to confessing everything to it good or bad. The accountability was so powerful. I had half a bowl of cake mix left that either needed to be eaten, made into another set of cupcakes, or thrown away. I threw the bowl into the sink, turned on the water to flood it all away, and took a big sip of my old, stale coffee from this morning. As I always say...IT'S ONE BITE AT A TIME. Sure one little lick wouldn't have done much, but it would have led me to other little bites throughout the day. I stayed strong and I give all the praise to God!!

Today's Exercise: 60 minute Yoga dvd with Jillian Michaels

Today's Food Log
Cream of Wheat
Egg Whites and Turkey Bacon
Pudding
2 Cup Cakes (small binge) (A large binge would have been if I ate 6 cupcakes)
8 0z 2% milk (small binge continued)
Pork Loin
provolone cheese (2)
Pudding

Squeezed into a size 10 today

Sitting here on my couch listening to classical music feels so nice. Baby's in bed, laundry is done, floors are clean, and I have tackled one more day.

Food Log:
Cream of Wheat
Salad with Pork Loin, feta, veggies, balsm vin dressing
Coffee with sugar free hazel nut creamer
sugar free pudding
string cheese
chicken salad
Diet Cherry Coke
vegetable soup
sugar free pudding

Today was very controlled. I was in control of my food intake.

Easter Sunday is around the corner and since I have lost some weight I felt the urge to go ahead and raid my closet for my Easter outfit. I have this gorgeous pink seersucker suit that I wore about 4 Easters ago (my first Easter with Mike actually). I have had it hanging up for about 6 weeks now as a reminder that I wanted to wear it this Easter. The skirt wouldn't even pull up past my knees 6 weeks ago. Today I managed to squeeze into it and even get it zipped! However, I am not quite there but it was fun to see it actually cover the right body parts!

The only dress that fit me from my past is a size 10. I am not going to let that mess with my head though because I am clearly NOT a size 10 yet. I just got lucky with this one. I'm not even a size 14 yet! I have a long way to go but I know I can get there. I have already dropped one size so I just need to keep taking it one bite at a time. My neck still really hurts. It's hard to type this actually. My neck brace helps a little bit but I think I need to turn in early tonight. Blessings to all you reading and following my progress! Lastly, remember the reason for the season! Christ died for our sins on this very day and I am forever grateful.

"Help! I've fallen and I CAN get up!"

Everyone knows that with an injury comes another injury. In this case, I hurt my neck and now I have hurt my fitness plan. I have not been able to work out for 4 days now. Working out for me isn't just about growing muscle and burning fat. It is also about keeping me balanced mentally. Nothing is more refreshing than finishing up a good workout. Well, since that has been temporarily taken from me, I have had even MORE battles than usual when dealing with the kitchen. I guess I got a little cocky thinking I didn't need to post my food logs anymore since I was always eating the same thing. Well as soon as I stopped posting, my rebellious little self started adding some secret bites in here and there. So, I now am back to food logging! It is so important to do! Also, I need to be doing Yoga. I am a little discouraged that it has taken me 4 days to come up with a new plan while I am not able to do boot camp. But I am glad it is happening now!


Tonight is my Father-in-Law's birthday. I know there will be alcohol and food. What should I do? I honestly don't know if I can resist. I am feeling weak! HELP! I need a plan. OK...I am making a commitment to all you reading this right now. I am going to stick to water in a wine glass, and I am going to eat a big salad before I go so I don't slip into the pit of appetizers. Tonight, I'm blaming it on the pain meds!
Ahhhhhhh...I almost erased all that and didn't publish this blog because I am nervous that I can not keep this commitment. I WANT food and I WANT champagne. But you know what I want more? THESE 54 POUNDS OF FAT OFF MY BOD! Hold my hand and pray strength over me. I will be back to blog tonight after the party and I will be ready to post the rest of my food log for the day!

Carter is napping so this is the perfect time to chop veggies and cook a pork loin to make salads with the rest of the week and weekend.

Today: Cream of Wheat (sugar free! Whole grain so good carbs here)
Coffee with Sugar free hazelnut creamer
String Cheese
Chicken Salad with 7 sugar free all natural pita chips
String Cheese
5 grilled shrimp
4 asparagus
1/2 cup brown rice
3 chips and salsa
4 oz champagne (I'm proud of myself for not drinking 3 glasses plus a glass or two of wine which is normal for me at a dinner party)
sugar free jello pudding