Sense and Sensitivity

It is so hard when I want so badly NOT to care but can not help the fact that I do. I don't want to let petty people bother me, but I always do! When people are mean or just flat out obnoxious, I would absolutely love to feel/think like this:

"Oh well, I'm sure they don't mean it and I hope they have a great day!"

After this thought I would like to actually FEEL it! Instead I obsess and revisit the situation in my head. I play out every scenario possible of how it went, how it could have gone and/or how it may come back. It is exhausting! I always try to stop myself before sending a text or email response until I cool off and really consider the consequences of what I plan to say.

Unfortunately, having the self control of NOT fighting fire with fire only leads to a LACK of self-control in the kitchen! I don't want to suppress my feelings, but I feel like it is a lose lose situation. If I keep my mouth shut and kill'em with kindness, I am just pissed off that I got walked all over. On the contrary, if I put them in their place I will feel guilty all day long for whatever I said out of anger. If I do EITHER of these things, I BINGE EAT! Binging is the only immediate comfort I can do at that moment! Or is it?

Well, lets see...What else could I do besides EAT my feelings?

Prayer is really the only thing I can come up with, but in those heat of the moment situations even that seems useless. I start to pray and I continue marching towards to pantry. I want to get to the point where I am calm and collected. I know that my eating problems come from a personality flaw. I am an impulsive, hot-tempered, OVER-sensitive, hot mess! However, my strengths are that I am passionate, driven, organized and a major go-getter! So being an extremely wide-eyed, bushy tailed girl has its pros and its cons.

I love being full of life. It makes those good days really GREAT! But...it makes those bad days feel like I'm in the pit of hell with no way out. Why all the freakin' drama?!

I want to learn to control myself and SLOW DOWN. I want to remember to breath when I need to. I want to know how to let it roll off my back when necessary. I want to be balanced. If I can find this balance it will carry onto my weight loss.

So Lord, my prayer today is that you help me find this balance that I so desperately need. With out it, I can not succeed. With out YOU, I can not succeed. Thank you for all you do for me. All the glory to you, Lord Jesus.