The Circle of Life

Starting over today was a tough pill to swallow. This "journey" has fooled us all. I was expecting to take a journey down a path and yes, make a few wrong turns here and there but nothing like this. I have managed to take a four month venture in a CIRCLE. That's right. I am back exactly where I started...226 pounds.

I started in April at this weight and it hurt to see that number. What REALLY hurts is to see that number four months later. Up and down, up and down. Every time I lost weight I would completely sabotage everything and gain it right back. I put away the scale so I couldn't see my progress and that has helped some, but right when I feel the clothes getting lose I begin to pack back on the pounds. I have continued to do cardio 30-60 minutes a day plus resistance training and abs, but at the end of the day, it's "Calories IN, Calories OUT". I must gain control of my eating.

I really am shocked at how quick I can talk myself into not caring during a binge. I know I need to care more about myself and take it one bite at a time. It really is so discouraging to know how big of a flake I truly am. The song by Pink just came into my head..."You're so mean, when you talk" how does it go?? "Make those voices...in your head...make them like you, instead." "Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel like your less than...less than perfect."

You may be thinking....hmmmm she should go to a therapist. HA! I agree with you! I actually think EVERYONE could use a good shrink. It helps to talk out your issues and we all got 'em!

OK so enough of the pity party. I am back on my feet and moving forward. I joined Weight Watchers tonight finally after 4 weeks of talking about it. I am pre-paid for 6 weeks to help motivate me. Wednesday nights are my meetings and weigh in's. I will blog my results, thoughts, feelings, screw-ups, and accomplishments. I pray that I can conquer tomorrow. I can not focus on a year from now where I could be at my goal. I can only focus on today...well and tomorrow since I'm in bed about to fall asleep.

Back in the saddle again and feeling confident that I WILL do this because I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!!!!! haha sorry I'm delirious. Going to sleep.

Lord, I know you can help me with this. I want to honor you with me body. I surrender to your will and ask for you to take control. Thank you Jesus for your Grace. Amen