Scale Obsessed

I wake up to the precious cry of my baby boy. I half blindly make my way to the kitchen to fix his bottle. During the 25 seconds it takes to heat up, I can't help but notice the scale in my peripheral. These are my thoughts...

"If I get on and I don't like what I see, than the whole day will be ruined. I will be depressed and pissed off all day long. I will be short with my husband, I will be impatient with my child, I will spit in the faces of my dishes begging to be washed, and I will binge the second I see my weight."

Yes, these are the thoughts that went through my head. I then thought to myself....

"OK...what if I promise myself that no matter what the scale says I will STAY CONTROLLED. I will not allow the number to ruin my life."

Then I had this thought...(The bottle was still heating up)

"You know what,I really do feel lighter today. I bet I lost 3 pounds. I couldn't have possibly gained 10 pounds of FAT in 2 weeks so I bet at least 3 pounds of it was water weight. Yes, I'm sure I will have lost 3 pounds. But even if I haven't I will stay controlled."

Then I said to myself with about 4 seconds left on the microwave...

"I think after this weigh-in I will put the scale away and not do this to myself every single day. I think I should weigh only once a week."

One more quick thought...

"How will I ever do this? The only way is to do it in a group because Lord knows that right now I can not trust myself on this issue. I think I'll throw my scale away, which in this house means I will get Mike to hide it from me because we are poor and we don't dispose of anything that still work. I will only weigh in on Wednesday nights at Weight Watchers."

The timer went off and the bottle was ready.

Thought...

"ONE LAST TIME!!!"

I hopped on that scale and BOOM...it was the same as yesterday. 223 lbs.

Yes, that is right. Two weeks ago I had reached 213. I was so excited. I had not been here since 2008. I lost control and there it went. But I'll be back...yes I'll be back.