7 Months Pregnant

Back from the dead. Let me start by saying around my last blog entry back in February, my morning sickness began. I do not want to complain because I am so excited and grateful to be expecting another precious baby boy. However, it is hard to ignore the fact that I have never in my life experience so much consistant pain and sickness. To say that I was and still am completley miserable is the biggest understatement. I love being upbeat and positive. I love smiling and being happy. I live to laugh. I truly am one of those life-loving people. So who am I right now?? Not quite sure. I feel like a different person. Like right now for example, I am sitting on the couch trying not to think about the fact that I am so nauseous or the fact that it feels like a knife is being twisted into my left ear. My ear hurts so bad and I can not hear out of it. For the past 5 nights I wake up every 3 hours crying and putting in my ear drops and taking my tyleonol. Last night, Mike decided to sleep in the guest room so at least one of us could get some rest. I have 3 months to go and that is when I start to feel depressed. That seems so far away! Not to mention, I have been through this rodeo before and I know how hard it is once the baby actually arrives. So yeah, I feel pretty hopeless and scared out of my mind. I am clinging to my God and taking it one day at a time. That really is all I can do. I am trying to have a good attitude and make light of all my handicaps, but now that I am sitting alone and typing in silence, I can not help but just let it all out. Speaking of letting it all out...I AM HUGE. I feel so fat and ugly. My face is in rare form and nothing fits. Even if it did fit, I would be too hot to put it on. I turned 30 last week and I am going to dinner this week with some friends to celebrate. I can not help but be totally consumed with anxiety because I have nothing to wear. I keep telling myself, "It's OK you are pregnant. No one expects you to look that great." But it is so hard for me right now for some reason. I want to look good and feel good and I just don't. I do not want to live in self pity or continue this bad attitude. I want things to change. After 7 months, you would think things would be getting better by now, but unfortunately that is not the case. So my plan is to breath deep and take it one hour at a time. I apologize for sounding so negative!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate it! I do, however, feel it necessarry to get it out and be honest with myself. This is a blog about lifestyle and I want to do it, good days and bad.