Saturday, April 16, 2011

BIRTHDAY BINGE

It is Carter's first birthday today. My precious baby boy is growing up so fast! OK time to quit pretending. Today was bad. I had an emotional breakdown. With all of the emotions flying about our baby having his first birthday and it just really hitting home how in love we are with him. Well.......My wonderful husband had a little panic attack at the thought of losing him. When Mike was 7 he was attacked by a Pit Bull. He was obviously scared for life from this childhood trauma which is totally understandable. So, on this GORGEOUS day today Carter and I were laying in the yard reading his new birthday book from baby Preston when we decided to get up and walk around the block. Carter walked the whole way, stumbling from time to time. 30 Minutes later we slowly made our way back to the blanket where I had left my cell phone. Like we all do in this day and age, when parted from our precious technology we immediately check our phones once reunited. There it read "15 Missed Calls". When I started to click some more to see who they were from, my phone rang again with this sexy/humorous ring tone specially designed to tell me my mate is calling. I answered it only to hear a bunch frantic yelling about how he doesn't want Carter and I to get attacked by a Pit Bull. After talking me into promising not to go outside for the rest of the day there I sat. MAD...ALONE...ANNOYED...PRETURBED...HURT...CONTROLLED...CONFUSED...and DEPRESSED. So there I went...into the KITCHEN. NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't want to do this! Fight it!!! Don't do it!!!!!!!!!!!! But I could not find the strength to STOP this tornado of emotion. I only had a banana with peanut butter and skim milk. I realize is not that bad, but I ate way too much peanut butter and I was just not ready to be eating this sort of snack. It is way too soon in the South Beach Diet program. I WAS OUT OF CONTROL. HOWEVER... I'll give myself some credit because I totally resisted eating all of Carter's little strawberry cereal bars, his Vitamin D Organic Milk, AND his honey graham crackers dipped in peanut butter. I also resisted packing up the baby and heading up the road to Arby's. SOOO I did not fall completely off the wagon. AND the best part of everything was that I only sulked for a few minutes before regaining my strength and thinking positive thoughts and not beating myself up. It's amazing how fast we can talk ourselves into thinking we have failed. But this time, I refused to listen to those lies. About and hour later, Mike called from work saying how sorry he was and that he had given into his flesh and acted completely irrationally (which duh, I already knew). Of course I forgave him and we both are moving on stronger and healthier. Time to go for our evening walk!

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