Monday, April 25, 2011

Anxiety, Depression, & Food...Oh My

As I sit here with my neck brace on deciding on which thoughts to put down on paper, I can not help but to focus on this gut wrenching feeling inside of me. Like many of us out there, anxiety plays a large role in ones everyday life. It has a small grip on me as I write this and I am trying to push the walls down and figure out exactly what it is that I can't shake.
Yesterday was Easter Sunday and I definitely overate. I was so hungry by the time we got to the party that I immediately began eating and drinking. I was so emotionally drained and exhausted. That is the perfect word for me right now. I am EXHAUSTED. I am exhausted by my thoughts, by people...just everything around me makes me feel a little overwhelmed. I feel distant from God and from myself in a weird way. I don't feel like I am abiding where I should be. I feel like I am so hard on myself sometimes! Why can't I just relax? I really have nothing to be stressed about. I mean yes, my neck really hurts. Yes, I take care of a baby 24/7. Yes my husband is a full time student and working and we don't get too much quality time. Yes, I still have 48 pounds to lose before I am no longer considered Obese. Yes, I work a lot and sometimes it drives me crazy. Yes, my house gets messy 3 seconds after I clean it up. I understand that I have some things that drive me nuts but these things are not too much to handle. Are they?? As a multi-tasker, I enjoy staying busy and feeling like I have a mission. I think I am burned out. And this neck pain is not helping.
Everyday is not going to be the amazing blog about how great I am doing, sometimes I just need to breath and express what I am dealing with. This is a lifestyle and I am committed to being 100% honest with myself. Over-eating comes with stress and I want to figure out what is making me so stressed.
I went to boot camp this morning and did some yoga afterwards for some good stretching.
Food Log:
String Cheese
Protein Shake
Chicken, string cheese, mustard, diet cherry coke
I need my prayer warriors out there today praying with me! I won't give up. I trust that God will give me strength and peace today.

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