Broken Under Pressure

I feel so defeated. I don't know what to say except that I am feeling so defeated. I have done everything I know to do. I thought that if I had accountability that I would succeed. I am finding now that that is not enough. In 5 months I have only lost a total of 2 pounds. I feel like I should have lost 50 pounds by now. Instead I am sitting here wondering and wallowing as to why can I not win this battle?

Weight Watchers really works but I totally crack under pressure. Knowing that I have to weigh in only made me freak out and rebel. I hated always having to count everything. Yes, it was cool and fun for a week but then it was like, can I seriously keep this going forever?? So I quit. I just feel like I have so much to give and so much to live but this fat is just in my way! I see pictures of myself and it saddens me that I am glowing and young but carrying 50 pounds of extra unnecessary fat.

I was talking to Mike about it tonight after he asked my what was bothering me. I looked at him and I was like, am I going to be fat forever? I want to be thin. I want to enjoy clothes and feel good about myself and just feel light.

I told him that I loved to exercise but that I had not in 2 weeks because of what it does to me. It makes me so hungry and I lose control and BINGE! If I don't work out I feel stable and calm with my eating. But I want and need to work out! I feel so trapped. I pray, Lord, that you will help me. I have been running around trying to solve all my problems but I can't. I surrender. I ask that you would lead and help me know which way to go.

I know that I need to slow down. Take a breath. Stop racing myself. Take it one bite at a time. I need to eat less and move more. It is simple and definitely the SLOW way to lose weight but I'm OK with that. I just want to be healthy and a good steward of my body which is made in His image. Please pray with me tonight. I have just picked back up my sword.