"You Should Be Ashamed Of Yourself"

This is me asleep at my college graduation. The ceremony was 4 hours long and me and my best friend, Erin were really cracking ourselves up here. I would rest my eyes while she was on the look out and then she would take her turn. The two silliest and MOST FUN girls in the world and this picture proves it. By the way, as we took our diplomas on stage, Erin and I held hands and did an old fashion curtsey to the audience.

(Deep Breath...)I just woke up from an amazing nap on a lazy Saturday. I needed it. My eyes are still heavy and I feeling relaxed as Beethoven is softly playing in the distance. Sitting here I feel firm and together. I feel accomplished and happy. I am proud of the way I have chosen to get here. I have used honesty, self-control, discipline, and humility to reach this point.

Last night I was at a dear friend's house discussing all of life's challenges. People fail us all the time. We really can't figure out why things have to be so hard and painful all the time. We were sitting there happy that we had each other and happy that we were both doing so well in our own personal lives. We love our husbands, we love our children, we love the Lord and we love the gym. We have not always been able to say that all at once, and it feels good.

She mentioned that she loved my blog and I began explaining why I did it. I started this blog because I was desperate to lose weight. I needed to be open and honest with the public in order to pull myself out of denial. I needed accountability.

NO DIET WILL EVER WORK FOR YOU...until you are REALLY ready to lost the weight. You must get an accountability partner on your team. You must call them up and say, "I am tired of being fat, and I want you to know that I am going to change right now. Will you hold me accountable?" You must accept the truth about yourself and find the support you need.

In your childhood you have the love and support of your parents. In your marriage you have it from your spouse, if you are or were an athlete you had it from your coach...you get the picture. You need support if you are really going to do this.
Stop hiding from the truth. It is not a big deal. People want to help you. Do not be ashamed of your weight or your size.

When I was in high school, I would cut the size 14 tags out of my jeans so that no one would know. I was truly ashamed of my body. No wonder I couldn't lost the weight. I had no support from myself, much less anyone else.

I want to encourage you to start being a little kinder to yourself. Don't put yourself in the corner anymore (Yes,I mean like Baby from "Dirty Dancing"). There is no way you can shine from there.

I recently have learned this:
I am through hating myself and beating myself up.
I am good person and I have good intentions.
I love others, I love myself and above all I love the Lord.
I want to honor God with my words, my thoughts and my body.

We have all been raised hearing things like, "You should be ashamed of yourself". You may hear this ridiculous phrase after falling asleep at your college graduation, skipping class in high school to make out with your boyfriend, or stealing gum from the store when you were five.

Yep, and these are just 3 of the hundreds of things I have done to be ashamed of myself.

That was the past and you know what? I'm NOT ashamed of myself, I just need some good guidance and a treadmill. But thanks for the suggestion!

Try to be a better person by making better choices. This starts with the choices you make for YOURSELF. By taking care of yourself, everyone around you will benefit. Pray for integrity, wisdom and the understand of what God's love really is. He loves you just the way you are and you should not be ashamed of yourself. But, you should take better care of yourself. That's what I'm doing. Join me. The grass really is greener over here.

Skinny Friends Rule!

This is one amazing mother with one amazing BOD!

Sitting in the kitchen watching Jane Ellen scurry around was an incredible learning moment for me. She was multi-tasking like I had never seen. Truly the strongest and coolest person I know. She was baking, cleaning, and entertaining me with her stories as I sat and eagerly listened to everything she had to say. She has a rock hard body and beautiful skin. She is energized and full of life. She has two children who adore her and tweet around her all day long like two little chicks so dependent on their mother hen.

As I was soaking it all in watching in amazement as she got out the blender, she started filling it with raw baby spinach leaves, cucumbers, blueberries, strawberries, pineapple, almonds and FLAX SEED!!! She flipped the switch and the blender went to town. With the blasting sounds of the blender in the background the kids immediately jumped up from playing with their toys and ran into the kitchen screaming, "SMOOTHIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

She then proceeded to pour them each a glass of this purple concoction. My 1 year old immediately wanted in on the action, and as stood there watching in disbelief as she handed him his own rain forest blend, he chugged the whole thing.

I thought he would take a sip and spit it out on the floor. The only thing that needed to be picked up off the floor, however, was my jaw. Jane Ellen, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, then handed me a huge glass of her love potion. I could not wait to taste this Ripley's-Believe-it-or-not drink. I took a big swig and could not believe that this amazing blueberry smoothie actually had everything my naked eyes had just witnessed being put in it.

The next day I went to Sam's and bought all of the ingredients. It has been over a week and Carter and I both have had one of these smoothies snacks almost every day. He loves them and so do I. Can you believe this?? Try it!

My final thought is this...Start hanging out with healthy, skinny people. You will learn a lot and really discover why they look so great. Skinny people don't advertise their secrets probably out of fear of being persecuted for their healthy ways. Try hanging out with your skinny friends in a comfortable at home setting and TAKE NOTES!

25 POUNDS

As of today I have lost 25 pounds.

I was 201 this morning. I am so close to being under 200!!! This will be such an exciting day when I can see my weight begin with the number ONE.

This morning after seeing how close I am to being done with the 200 pound range...I immediately started to freak out...and NOT in a good way. I was scared. I was scared that I would binge eat sometime today and screw it all up. I didn't want to sabotage myself. I want to succeed and I want to be strong. I want to have discipline and practice self-control.

I frantically starting texting Garland and Tripp, my life coaches that have held my hand every step of this journey. After discussing with them my fears and thoughts, they talked me down from the ledge that I was standing on. They reminded me that I can not just throw it all away in one afternoon. They reminded me that this is my lifestyle and I shouldn't be scared anymore. They brought me back to reality where I could breath again. I could see clearly. I am so excited and thrilled to continue this journey and kick some butt!

I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE LOST 25 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Which Pig Are You?

Me about 2 weeks ago. I was burning with my dad. I got here by being a "pig will". In order to have an active healthy lifestyle try saying yes to random activities people invite you to. There's a story my dad would tell me and my sisters about 2 pigs (ironic, huh?!). One was a "pig will" and one was a "pig won't". The "pig won't" missed out on a lot of fun actvities by always turning down invitations. The "pig will" had a great life. Are you a "pig will" or a "pig won't"? Just remember, "pig wills" are skinnier than "pig wont's". They also have a lot more fun.

Back to work today. I have been out for about 6 weeks now but have decided to go back to my Medical Sales job. It is only 2 half days a week and so I can still be with my little man. Today some of the nurses told me how skinny I looked. I found myself teaching these eager beaver nurses how to be healthy! I loved it.

This morning I got out of bed and my pajama pants litterally dropped to my ankles. That's right I lost 2 pounds over night. I am finally back to where I was before the Holiday's took over my body. I was 202 today. I am 3 pounds away from being in the 100's and I am so ready to be there!

Today's Food intake so far...
7am whole wheat english muffin, egg whites, turkey sausage and mozzorella cheese/coffee, milk and creamer...water
9:30 Power Bar (Sugar:only 2 grams!! Be so careful with anything out of a box! Look at the sugar!! If it has more than 7 grams per serving, don't eat it!)...water
11:45 Baby Spinach greens, tomaotes, cucumbers, feta, humas, sting cheese, grilled chicken with balsamic vinegerette dressing...water

It is raining so I am trying to decide what to do for my work out today.

I am feeling really blah right now. I really need to clean but I am so wanting to take a nap. Carter is napping and it would be the perfect time. I am going to be strong and CLEAN!

Answered Prayer

Waking up feeling energized is the best feeling ever. I am enjoying my husband and my son. I am not in la la land distracted and missing the moment. I am present. I am enjoying my life. In bible study this morning I was overwhelmed with joy. It just dawned on me all of a sudden how much God loved me. Maybe because we were in a chapter that primarily focused on His love for us as His children. He really is in to details though! I have been praying, "Lord please help me lose weight" for over 20years! He has finally answered this prayer. The crazy thing is however, that during that 20 year journey of being chubby and frustrated, He was growing me. I wasn't ready to experience freedom in the area of eating yet. He needed to refine me and teach me a lot more about being dependent on Him and finding joy in all circumstances. He is blessing my diligence and my prayers. Thank you God.

Like a Glove

The picture above is me 6 years ago at a Mardi Gras ball. Not the typical debutant, but I sure did know how to have a good time! That dress hasn't seen the light of day since that night...

It never gets easy. It is a constant do this and do that! Make sure to remember to eat this and don't eat that. You better do that before you do that! Remembering to eat every 2 hours is not as easy as you would think. My grocery bill has shot out the roof. Grocery shopping seems to be my new activity. I am always making a list of things we need and I am always shocked to see the food going so fast. The cost and the constant eating really is worth it. I don't binge eat anymore and I am feeling so healthy and energized. I have lost 23 pounds in 4 months. The most exciting thing is that I have kept it off.

Did anyone notice how much Kim K was eating during those 8 weeks of marriage. I literally felt her pain. I almost wanted to eat with her because I could feel her misery. Each episode for those eight weeks she kept getting bigger and bigger. I felt so bad for her. That is what happens when we don't deal with our issues and we suppress our pain with food. It made me feel good to know that I was not the only one who did that but even more that I stopped doing that all together. I am sure it has been hard on my family and friends because I have never been more of an open book. I basically say everything I am feeling. I cry a lot, I vent a lot, I laugh a lot, and I MOVE a lot. I am constantly doing new and adventurous activities and finally living life. I am waking up with a smile and ready to conquer the day. No regrets anymore. No wishing I had done this or putting off saying that. No more waking up with anxiety putting off having to deal with another unresolved issue. This, my friend is called living life.

Next week is Mardi Gras and I can't afford new clothes. I have accumulated beautiful clothes over the last 10 years from going to college, making my debut and getting married. These clothes have not seen the light of day in SEVEN years and could really use a drink.

I got them all out yesterday of the dark coat closet in the hallway. I have been ignoring them for years knowing that I probably would never wear them again. I took a deep breath, pulled on my girdle and had Mike fasten my long line bra (you know the corset long strapless moulon rouge type bra??) The last time that thing had been worn was on my wedding day.

Standing there all squeezed in tight, I glanced behind me to check myself out in the mirror. "Hmmmm", I thought.

I picked up my couture green silk one shoulder dress that has ZERO spandex in it and can only work if it truly slides on like a glove. As I zipped up the side I turned and face the mirror. It was perfect. I could not believe my eyes. The last, and only, time I had ever worn this emerald masterpiece was 7 years ago to a debutant party for my dear friend Lee Smith, God rest her soul.

Everything after that fit, fit and fit again! It was so much fun and so much better than shopping for new things. I have 30 pounds to go before I reach my final goal and I am ready to really jump back into this. I have been maintaining and doing great but I am now ready to keep on trucking and really finish this. I will post pics of me in the green dress after I wear it next week.

I am going to try to blog a little bit every day. I'm sick of these huge breaks! I will do better. I think it will really help me to be more consistent with my blogs.

Thank YOU

I am blown away to see that over 200 people read my blog today. I can't believe this. I appreciate all the support and love. I can definitley feel the love right now. I am feeling so empowered and excited. I felt so alone and sad for myself before this moment. I have Christ who gives me strenth and life and He has blessed me with an army of supporters. I know I can do this! Just so we are keeping it real, I have to admit that I binge ate today. Not just once but THREE times. I was so scared of what I had written and I was just waiting for someone to email me something hateful but that never happened. Instead I was loved and comforted. Thank you to my mom especially who comforted me dearly once she read my blog. She didn't see the pain in my until she read it. I hate talking out my issues becuase I feel like I am complaining and complaining may just be my biggest pet peave. Anyways, I am feeling so strong and like a hot warrior princess in an animal skin mini-skirt so WATCH OUT! RARRRRRRRRR!