For two weeks now I have stayed at the same weight. I am still 212. It is so hard not to get down or frustrated. Thoughts like, "Well I might as well eat whatever I want if I'm not even going to lose anything!" I knew it would get hard but I am really struggling right now. I am hungry. I want to eat. I want to enjoy sweets and other forbidden fruits. But I don't want them to really be fruit. Just forbidden anything besides fruits. I know this is a bad attitude and I feel ashamed for having it but that is one thing you can not control...your thoughts. You can pray that they will go away, but you can't really avoid a thought that pops into your head.
I'm HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Am I really going to ddo this? Am I really going to succeed? I really want to...but how bad to I want it? How far am I willing to go? I miss drinking wine and eating a lot. I feel like my head is out of the game. I want to get back in it! Thank the Lord I still have Garland who is really holding me accountable and watching my every move. I have stayed on track and I am REALLY trying to do this. I am busting my butt at the gym. I am doing everything...except I may be a little off on my porion sizes. Deep breath...I don't know. I am not giving up but I need prayer. I need to focus on the prize and not lose heart! I want this. Please pray for me...that is all I need right now.
Real quick...
In 5 weeks:
My chest has gone from 46 inches to 42!!! (4 inches)
My waist has gone from 36 1/2 inches to 34 1/2!!! (2 inches)
My hips have gone from 47 inches to 44 1/2!!! (2 1/2 inches)
I have lost 8 1/2 inches total! That is really encouraging.
My weight started at 226
Today I am 212
Total weight loss: 14 pounds
NOT BAD!
I am tired and going to bed now. Sweet dreams...but without the sweets!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
"The Body Contortionist"
This is me on a night out on the town with Virginia and Mike. I am 212 pounds here. My goal is 150 lbs. I'm a a little confused because I don't really think I look 62 pounds over weight. Maybe it's just a slimming outfit. I have always been able to contort my body and face to look good in pictures so maybe that is it. That is another reason it has been hard for me to stay on track with losing weight...I get cocky and think, "Oh, I look fine...I'm just big boned." I will reevaluate once I hit 170...that may be a better goal weight for me. We shall see!! Fun night though! I felt great about myself for the first time in a long time.
Choosing Tears Over Food
Rejection is a tough pill to swallow. The feeling of being left out, ignored, or even punished by another individual by not including you can really hurt. It can leave you stranded with your thoughts...thoughts of self-doubt. It is important for us as humans to understand that it is OK to not be loved by everyone. It is OK to sometimes be left off the invitation list or left out of the conversation even when you are standing right there.
As a bubbly, outgoing, and loving person it is hard for me to accept this but like I am learning to accept this new way of living, I must learn to accept this about my community. Relationships are my passion. I give it 110% and sometimes it backfires. I have nurtured and grown several incredible relationships, I've also damaged and even destroyed other ones. We live and we learn. I have learned so much about how to handle things.
I know one thing, I can not save people. I can not protect people. And most importantly, I can not judge people. I can only love people and move forward with my own life, family and decisions. I have decided over this past weekend to let go and move forward. I can not dwell on broken bridges any longer. I have given it up to God and I am healed. I am repaired and I am strong. I am grateful for the people in my life that love me and care for me. I am not going to give into food to numb the pain any more. Instead, I am dealing with that pain and meeting those salty tears. As they sting down the sides of my face, I take comfort in knowing that the aftermath WILL feel better. In allowing myself to cry to a friend or cry to my mom or cry to my sister or cry to my dad or cry to my husband, I am choosing to feel pain and deal with my feelings rather than ignore them by stuffing food in my face.
Yep, that is what I have done my whole life. The second things go sour, I pull out the sweets. In doing this I am temporarily high on food and feeling great. After the binge I can only focus on the disgust of my actions which leads to depression and feeling like a fat failure...meanwhile I've forgotten all about who ever hurt me. I've always done this and people have always told me, "Gosh Liz, you are so strong. How do you stay so strong?" HA! Yeah, a strong fat a**. I was just praying they didn't see the brownies in my teeth while showering me with compliments.
Now this new Liz is a bit more high maintenance. I am little more emotional. I am a little more in touch with my feelings. I am a lot slower in regards to my actions after something hurts. I am staying calm. Then like a ton of bricks...I'm shot right in the chest with pain. But guess what? I'm shedding pounds, and I'm becoming a stronger and more serious person. My thighs are getting thin, but my skin is getting thick.
As a bubbly, outgoing, and loving person it is hard for me to accept this but like I am learning to accept this new way of living, I must learn to accept this about my community. Relationships are my passion. I give it 110% and sometimes it backfires. I have nurtured and grown several incredible relationships, I've also damaged and even destroyed other ones. We live and we learn. I have learned so much about how to handle things.
I know one thing, I can not save people. I can not protect people. And most importantly, I can not judge people. I can only love people and move forward with my own life, family and decisions. I have decided over this past weekend to let go and move forward. I can not dwell on broken bridges any longer. I have given it up to God and I am healed. I am repaired and I am strong. I am grateful for the people in my life that love me and care for me. I am not going to give into food to numb the pain any more. Instead, I am dealing with that pain and meeting those salty tears. As they sting down the sides of my face, I take comfort in knowing that the aftermath WILL feel better. In allowing myself to cry to a friend or cry to my mom or cry to my sister or cry to my dad or cry to my husband, I am choosing to feel pain and deal with my feelings rather than ignore them by stuffing food in my face.
Yep, that is what I have done my whole life. The second things go sour, I pull out the sweets. In doing this I am temporarily high on food and feeling great. After the binge I can only focus on the disgust of my actions which leads to depression and feeling like a fat failure...meanwhile I've forgotten all about who ever hurt me. I've always done this and people have always told me, "Gosh Liz, you are so strong. How do you stay so strong?" HA! Yeah, a strong fat a**. I was just praying they didn't see the brownies in my teeth while showering me with compliments.
Now this new Liz is a bit more high maintenance. I am little more emotional. I am a little more in touch with my feelings. I am a lot slower in regards to my actions after something hurts. I am staying calm. Then like a ton of bricks...I'm shot right in the chest with pain. But guess what? I'm shedding pounds, and I'm becoming a stronger and more serious person. My thighs are getting thin, but my skin is getting thick.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Week Three-14 Pounds Gone!
It is weigh day! 3 weeks ago I started at 226lbs. This morning I was 212 lbs. I have lost 14 pounds! I absolutely can not believe it except for the fact that I can see and feel the results. I'm down a size or two all over and it feels so good. I'm starting to panic a little because I don't have any clothes that will fit or money to be able to buy new clothes at each stop on my way to a size 6/8 so I am going to be using rubber bands and pins to temporarily alter my wardrobe. My goal is 160. 150 at the lightest since I am 5'8 and have muscular/athletic body type. So that means I have 52 pounds to go. A long journey ahead of me...so I must not get sidetracked by my first stage of success! I have 6 stages to go...not counting the maintenance stage that I plan to stay in for the rest of my life!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
On my way to REALLY being skinny
Never in my life could I ever have seen this coming. This morning I woke up and half my stomach was gone. I fumbled through the dark trying not to wake my husband. I made it successfully to the bathroom where my workout clothes were waiting for me. Yes, you must lay them out the night before. That is one thing I have learned over the years with early morning work outs. When that alarm goes off it is so much easier knowing that you won't have to pick out something to wear...find your tennis shoes...you know what I mean. I made it to the gym and busted my butt on the bike and elliptical for a grand total of 35 minutes. I could feel the fat blasting off my body. I could feel it because I had had such a light carb-free dinner and no breakfast yet. The fuel supply I had to offer myself was fat and only fat. I got home and had my big breakfast. As Tripp always says, "Have the biggest meal first and work your way down to a smaller lunch and a tiny dinner." So breakfast is so fun for me because I love a good big start to my day. So I came home and ate my Egg, Sausage and Cheese English Muffin. I had an amazing coffee with my unscented, silk almond milk and a tbsp of honey. No more splenda, no more creamer, no more milk. I thought I would die to give up my fabulously home made coffee but I have grown to love and look forward to my skinny cafe late. After that I woke up my precious baby boy and performed my usual steps leading us all out the door to conquer the day.
I arrived at work at 8am to pick up some paperwork before heading out to make my sales calls. About 20 minutes later OUTSIDE of the office I noticed that my engagment ring was gone. I started to panick of course but luckily right then, my phone rang. It was the office calling to ask my if I was missing my ring. I could not beleive that my ring just SLIPPED off!!! As I put the phone back in my purse I pulled my hand out and my wedding band had slipped off as well!!! I immediately wrapped tape around the back of the rings because they were obviously 1 or 2 sizes to big! I can not belive how real this is. And it has only been 3 weeks!!! Tomorrow is weigh in day and I can not WAIT to see how much I've lost and how many inches I've shed. Is this for real? Am I really going to do this? Am I actually going to feel like Cinderella and wake up to find that its not just a dream anymore but an actual reality? I really really really think I am. It is my time to start living my dreams.
I arrived at work at 8am to pick up some paperwork before heading out to make my sales calls. About 20 minutes later OUTSIDE of the office I noticed that my engagment ring was gone. I started to panick of course but luckily right then, my phone rang. It was the office calling to ask my if I was missing my ring. I could not beleive that my ring just SLIPPED off!!! As I put the phone back in my purse I pulled my hand out and my wedding band had slipped off as well!!! I immediately wrapped tape around the back of the rings because they were obviously 1 or 2 sizes to big! I can not belive how real this is. And it has only been 3 weeks!!! Tomorrow is weigh in day and I can not WAIT to see how much I've lost and how many inches I've shed. Is this for real? Am I really going to do this? Am I actually going to feel like Cinderella and wake up to find that its not just a dream anymore but an actual reality? I really really really think I am. It is my time to start living my dreams.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Girl's Night Out
Dinner at Camellia's Cafe in Fairhope last night for Jane Ellen's Birthday was the ultimate test. I had to keep telling myself to focus on the prize. Everyone had bread, starters, entrees and desert. I had a salad appetizer as my entree, no break, no dessert. It was hard. It was awkward. I felt like out and a little uncomfortable. HOWEVER, I was was ok. I got to share my experience and my goals and I was fully supported. I'm glad no one changed their eating to make me feel better. This is MY choice because I want to be skinny. Once I am at my goal weight I too will be able to indulge every once in a while. I didn't even have wine! That was easy though because no one else did either. When we got back to Janie's house we had cake with homemade cream cheese icing. I was drooling but stayed strong. This morning I felt so skinny and proud of myself. I got to have a big yummy breakfast with everyone (yes we had a slumber party) and it was so freeing and fun! When I got home I went on a 3 mile jog! I only walked a little bit! I was so proud of myself and the breeze on my face felt amazing. I like being in the skinny club. I am not aloud to weigh myself anymore because Tripp told me not to. I trust him and follow his teaching. Tonight we are going to Dog river to spend the night and cook out. We are grilling chicken and veggies! I am going to have 2 glasses of wine and lots of water. Mike and I are also going on an evening Kayaking trip tonight so that should be great for my mind, spirit and ARMS! Life is so good when you are doing it right.
THANK YOU GARLAND FOR HOLDING MY HAND!
THANK YOU GARLAND FOR HOLDING MY HAND!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
10 POUNDS IN 2 WEEKS!
Today marked the two week point of me living the life of a skinny person. I was 216 this morning which makes a total weight loss of 10 pounds!
When shopping for food Garland tells me to outline the grocery store. Don't go down the aisles. Think about that for a second. Isn't that smart? I leave with all fresh foods!
I have continued eating high protein foods every 2 hours. I've noticed that when I forget to eat I have such a hard time talking myself down into a calm state of mind. It reminds me to eat eat eat!!! (When I'm suppose to, of course.)
Being the social butterfly that I am, I have already been to at least 6 functions that have of course been centered around FOOD! Family Steak Out....Hot Dog Cook out...Birthday Cake...Wine flowing like water...Date Night celebration...new job celebration...And there is probably more I am forgetting. I have stayed strong and not given in!!! Oh I just thought of one more...Lunch with the co-workers!!!
I have slowly moved forward through all of these events eating slowly and steadily. I've stuck to grilled fish or chicken, veggies, fruit, whole wheat, water, BEANS (MY FAVORITE!) and a glass of wine to keep me sain.
I only worked out 3 times this week which is not enough. Tomorrow starts my 5 am workout at the gym. Now that I have my eating down I can add in the heavy cardio and start to MELT THAT FAT!!! (Like, "Move that Bus"! haha no pun intended!)
I am focusing on the prize which to remind you is....
To honor my body as a temple of the Holy One
To be light and feel good about myself
To express how I truly feel
To be comfortable
To wear beautiful clothes
To do a model photo shoot
To give Carter a baby brother/sister
TO GIVE CARTER A HEALTHY MOMMY!!
To GIVE MIKE A HOT WIFE
To GIVE LIZ WHAT SHE KNOWS SHE DESERVES
Prayers welcome. Thanks for reading. Good night. :)
When shopping for food Garland tells me to outline the grocery store. Don't go down the aisles. Think about that for a second. Isn't that smart? I leave with all fresh foods!
I have continued eating high protein foods every 2 hours. I've noticed that when I forget to eat I have such a hard time talking myself down into a calm state of mind. It reminds me to eat eat eat!!! (When I'm suppose to, of course.)
Being the social butterfly that I am, I have already been to at least 6 functions that have of course been centered around FOOD! Family Steak Out....Hot Dog Cook out...Birthday Cake...Wine flowing like water...Date Night celebration...new job celebration...And there is probably more I am forgetting. I have stayed strong and not given in!!! Oh I just thought of one more...Lunch with the co-workers!!!
I have slowly moved forward through all of these events eating slowly and steadily. I've stuck to grilled fish or chicken, veggies, fruit, whole wheat, water, BEANS (MY FAVORITE!) and a glass of wine to keep me sain.
I only worked out 3 times this week which is not enough. Tomorrow starts my 5 am workout at the gym. Now that I have my eating down I can add in the heavy cardio and start to MELT THAT FAT!!! (Like, "Move that Bus"! haha no pun intended!)
I am focusing on the prize which to remind you is....
To honor my body as a temple of the Holy One
To be light and feel good about myself
To express how I truly feel
To be comfortable
To wear beautiful clothes
To do a model photo shoot
To give Carter a baby brother/sister
TO GIVE CARTER A HEALTHY MOMMY!!
To GIVE MIKE A HOT WIFE
To GIVE LIZ WHAT SHE KNOWS SHE DESERVES
Prayers welcome. Thanks for reading. Good night. :)
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