Rejection is a tough pill to swallow. The feeling of being left out, ignored, or even punished by another individual by not including you can really hurt. It can leave you stranded with your thoughts...thoughts of self-doubt. It is important for us as humans to understand that it is OK to not be loved by everyone. It is OK to sometimes be left off the invitation list or left out of the conversation even when you are standing right there.
As a bubbly, outgoing, and loving person it is hard for me to accept this but like I am learning to accept this new way of living, I must learn to accept this about my community. Relationships are my passion. I give it 110% and sometimes it backfires. I have nurtured and grown several incredible relationships, I've also damaged and even destroyed other ones. We live and we learn. I have learned so much about how to handle things.
I know one thing, I can not save people. I can not protect people. And most importantly, I can not judge people. I can only love people and move forward with my own life, family and decisions. I have decided over this past weekend to let go and move forward. I can not dwell on broken bridges any longer. I have given it up to God and I am healed. I am repaired and I am strong. I am grateful for the people in my life that love me and care for me. I am not going to give into food to numb the pain any more. Instead, I am dealing with that pain and meeting those salty tears. As they sting down the sides of my face, I take comfort in knowing that the aftermath WILL feel better. In allowing myself to cry to a friend or cry to my mom or cry to my sister or cry to my dad or cry to my husband, I am choosing to feel pain and deal with my feelings rather than ignore them by stuffing food in my face.
Yep, that is what I have done my whole life. The second things go sour, I pull out the sweets. In doing this I am temporarily high on food and feeling great. After the binge I can only focus on the disgust of my actions which leads to depression and feeling like a fat failure...meanwhile I've forgotten all about who ever hurt me. I've always done this and people have always told me, "Gosh Liz, you are so strong. How do you stay so strong?" HA! Yeah, a strong fat a**. I was just praying they didn't see the brownies in my teeth while showering me with compliments.
Now this new Liz is a bit more high maintenance. I am little more emotional. I am a little more in touch with my feelings. I am a lot slower in regards to my actions after something hurts. I am staying calm. Then like a ton of bricks...I'm shot right in the chest with pain. But guess what? I'm shedding pounds, and I'm becoming a stronger and more serious person. My thighs are getting thin, but my skin is getting thick.
No comments:
Post a Comment